Kaiju Slaying For Death and Profit Ch 8

My plan was to post this tomorrow, give myself a bit of time to give it one final read through. But circumstance has conspired against me. I won't be home all weekend, which means no access to my PC and spotty access to the internet.

Still, I hope you find it enjoyable, and if you notice and grammar issues...uhh...it was the grammar goblins, clearly not my fault.

Drop me a comment and lemme know what you thought! Pic of Waifu Catalog build at the bottom.

=][=

Well hello hospital ceiling, it is so very nice to see you again. Seriously, we need to stop seeing each other like this, what will your husband say?

I shook off the idiotic thought, pulled up the Catalog in my HUD, and purchased Body, Polymorph, Wyldscape, Paradox, Corruption, and Possession Defenses.

And, for the first time since this entire debacle started, I was able to relax.

Sure, I was down to a measly Eighty-Nine Credits, which for a non-Contractor it would be a lot, unfortunately, I was still missing a whole lot of Defenses and I needed to budget to get my pocket dimension up to a goddamn mansion.

But now, at least, I had most of the protections to defend against what was most likely to kill me in this shit show of a reality.

I heard the door open. “You are awake.”

“Good morning, afternoon, or evening to you too, Rei. It’s nice to see you hearty, healthy and most of all not a mummy again. How long was I out?”

So I sass when I’m tired, sue me.

“Why?” Rei demanded, moving until she stood next to me. She was dressed in her school uniform; I was willing to bet she didn’t have any other clothes.

“I’m going to need you to be a little more specific.” I shot back.

To my surprise, she crawled onto the bed until she was all but straddling me, her hands to either side of my head, staring down at me with those big, ruby red eyes of hers. “Why did you risk yourself like that? You were ordered to retreat.”

“Not gonna lie, the entire encounter is kind of hazy for me.” I said, taking a firm if gentle hold of her wrist. “But if I recall my logic correctly, I was afraid that if I retreated, they’d send you out on an Eva that could almost walk and fuck all else.”

Her hands bunched up, her face fighting to make a displeased expression. “Piloting the Eva is all I have. You are better at it, you’ve killed more Angels than anyone else, your continued existence is of paramount importance. You should have retreated and let them deploy me. I am meant to be expendable.”

I reached up and cradled her cheek. “Not to me.” I took hold of the back of her head and pulled down. She did not resist, I quickly navigated to lures and purchased Sticky Fingers, and pressed our lips together, kissing her gently. I kept the setting of Sticky Fingers to be a very good kiss, I didn’t want her orgasming just from making out.

Yet.

Rei went stiff as a board, then relaxed, pressing her body against mine. She was also a quick study, kissing me back and imitating what I did. She obediently parted her teeth when I licked at them and let me caress her tongue with mine.

Her mouth tasted faintly of citrus. With the hand not holding the back of her head, I caressed her spine until I reached her bottom and squeezed the firm, toned flesh of her ass. She wiggled her hips, grinding against me as she eagerly licked my tongue.

Reluctantly, I pulled back on her hair, breaking the kiss. She looked disheveled and drowsy, her face flushed and starting to sweat, her heart beating so hard I could feel it against my chest.

“I don’t care what anyone else tells you. You are not expendable, not to me.” I repeated. “And if you want more of this, you’ll never call yourself expendable again.”

She swallowed thickly and muttered. “Yes.” Then mashed her lips against mine.

I enjoyed myself a while, then had to push her away so I could go face the music.

=][=

“You disobeyed orders, again.” Misato said, glaring fiercely at me.

“I killed the Angel.” I shot back.

“With literally half a second to spare! Your disobedience could have cost us Unit 01!”

“Doing as you said might have cost us the city.” I replied calmly.

“Shinji, I am your field commander, you are supposed to follow my orders! Having you undermine me at every turn is not helpful!”

I mean, she has a point, but the fight against the Angels was only the top of my priority list for exactly three more of them. I could then stage a bloody coup to capture the Reiquarium, and politely fuck off to the multiverse and adventure.

Sure, I’d miss out on a pretty sweet bonus, and this iteration of the world would end, but my exit strategy was ready.

Though that bonus for saving the world would be pretty neat.

It might not hurt to try and be a little bit more…compliant. Now that following her orders probably won’t compromise my chances of getting out of this hellhole.

I sighed. “Okay, I admit, I may have been a little…overzealous. But what was the alternative? During the fight, you threw seven levels of hell at it and only tickled its funny bone. The deployment cradle was so much slag, and I wouldn’t exactly have the time to get in another one under constant barrage of its Particle Projection Cannon. And who knows how long it would have taken for it to get down here and destroy the base. Killing it was my only viable option.”

She raised an eyebrow. “We have twenty-two layers of meter-thick titanium shield plating between us and the surface.”

I blinked, surprised. I could have sworn there were supposed to be thirty. “We do?”

Misato blinked. “Wait, you didn’t know?”

I held up the very thin propaganda booklet she gave me day one. “This contains the totality of what I’ve been told about this facility beyond the way to your office, the infirmary, the embarkation room, and the simulation room. I know Jack and Shit and Jack left town. The only things I’ve been told are that I need to pilot the Eva, and about the weapons made for the Eva that I can use to fight the Angels. Most of which I end up having to throw away and finish it by casting fist. I went into that fight with the for certain sure knowledge that the Angel was above humanity’s last hope and drilling down, and we had one chance and one chance only to stop it and save the world. It honestly felt like if I didn’t kill it then, I’d never get another chance to get close enough to do it.” I looked her in the eye. “Was there any plan whatsoever to deal with the Angel if I retreated? Do we even have a weapon capable of punching through their AT Field? If there’s actually a super secret weapon system that NERV has been hiding, I feel I should have been informed. I was operating under the impression that my only recourse would have been the Eva-scale Assault Rifle, which has so far proven entirely useless beyond using it as a cudgel.”

Misato glared and ground her teeth, then closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “From now on, at least three days a week you will spend time at NERV HQ, I will personally ensure you become acquainted with our available facilities, defenses, and capabilities.” She opened her eyes and glared at me. “Go write your after-action report.”

“Aye aye.” I said lazily.

I had the feeling that my employment would last until the final Angel was dead, and not a second longer.

Joke’s on them. I don’t give a shit.

As I walked through NERV HQ, I noticed several techs, orderlies, and analysts giving me the side-eye. Always keeping me at the very least in their peripheral vision.

I spared a few moments to wonder if any of them held a grudge from when I knocked one of Gendo’s teeth out. That memory would bring me joy and warmth until the day I died.

I ignored all those watching me like I was some leper, I was the Kaiju Killing Kid, King of Kings to be Kowtowed and Knelt before…damn!

I brought up my notes on my HUD and updated my alliteration record for the week from five to seven. Much too far from my personal best of thirteen.

One day I would get to twenty.

A man can dream.

…

I felt so lonely all of a sudden.

Turning a corner, I ran into one of the analysts that nattered on any time I was in an Eva. I vaguely recognized her as Bottle Blonde’s assistant.

Literally, she smacked face first into my pectoral. She flinched and squealed cutely, backing up a few steps and rubbing her nose, her eyes tearing up. She blinked and realized the wall she’d run into was wearing a shirt, her head tilting up, and up.

And up.

Until she could look me in the eye. Her eyes going wide and her face turning red.

She opened her mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. Closed it. Opened it a third time and said. “Meep!” She then turned tomato red and stared at me teary eyed, looking terrified.

Lady. I barely have any idea who you are, what kind of monster do you take me for?

I walked around her, shoving my hands in my pockets. Meh, it’s not like I’m killing Angels for her benefit. I was killing the Angels for my own enlightened self-interest.

And I was planning to kill the shadowy cabal of assholes behind everything, because fuck those guys in particular.

“E-Excuse me!”

I stopped and turned to look at her over my shoulder. She looked about ready to start bawling her eyes out.

She swallowed thickly and had to start twice before bowing at the waist. “Thank you so much for your hard work!”

“Uhh.” I said intelligently, she remained bowed, which was just…

What did one do in this situation? It had been way too long since I hadn’t had to solve a problem by shouting, being shouted at, punching, shooting, stabbing, or exploding it. And she was still bent at the waist! I don’t even. “Y-Yeah. Thank you too. Erm…miss. I’m…I’m gonna go and uhh, work on my after-action report.”

I turned around and woodenly continued the walk to my ‘office.’ That had been such an unpleasant encounter, I could only hope it never ever happened again.

Still, for some reason, I found myself smiling.

=][=

“I’m sorry. You want to what?” I asked, sure I must have heard wrong.

Bottle Blonde crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. “As I said. We would like to take this opportunity to run a Pilot Interoperability test, we need to gather data on how well the Evas will sync with other pilots.”

I narrowed my eyes at her, saved my progress on my after-action report, and flipped the laptop closed. “That seems like a very dangerous idea that could very easily backfire.”

“Oh? What makes you say that?” Fake Blonde asked, her assistant looking back and forth between us.

I stood up slowly, towering over the two women. “The hell you think? I’ve been in an Evangelion. They’re ornery things at the best of times. They might not take to having a different pilot all that well.”

She wrote something down on her clipboard. “Noted. However, this is not negotiable. Get yourself ready for the test.”

I scowled as I followed her and her assistant out. Her loyalty was, ultimately, to me. Which meant that she believed that whatever this test led to, was for my benefit. Which meant this was the precursor to finishing some other project.

Considering it was a test to see how the Evas reacted to a pilot they’re not used to; chances were that this was about the…what did they call it? Doll plug?

If my vague recollections didn’t lie to me, that should not be ready for several months.

But, thinking about it, the original Shinji did not have a head for conflict. He didn’t so much succeed in his earlier fights as survived them. Ultimately the same thing, but the devil, as always, is in the details.

In my three fights against an Angel, only my fight against Ramiel had resulted in significant damage to the Eva. And I’d minimized damage to the city as best I could, once again, Ramiel being the exception. It severely damaged vast swathes of the city.

But Tokyo-3 was a fortress city. Its most important buildings could be lowered underground. The old-style buildings that Ramiel destroyed, while ruinously expensive for an individual, were peanuts in comparison to the repair bill for even one of the titanium reinforcement plates layered between the geofront and the surface.

And Ramiel was supposed to drill through all twenty-two.

Compared to the NERV of the average circumstance of this neck of the multiverse, mine was flush with cash due to me doing too good a job. A multitude of side projects that would have had to be defunded to pay for repairs simply got to proceed unimpeded. The damage 01 suffered at Ramiel’s hand extensive, but well within the budget set aside for repairs and operational costs.

In theory, this was unequivocally a good thing. The agency tasked with the survival of mankind doing a stellar job. Exceeding all expectations.

In reality, I had no way of knowing which of those projects was tied to Instrumentality.

I was, ironically enough, a victim of my own possibly catastrophic success.

I was going to have to accelerate my schedule for stealing the Reiquarium. I couldn’t be certain that was the end goal of this test, but that wasn’t a risk I was willing to take.

=][=

Sitting through Rei’s synchronization test of Eva 01 was nerve wracking. My Eva was a needy, angry monster and I had the feeling it was developing an ego because of its so far flawless record at Angel Slaying. If it went on a rampage, I would have to try and calm it…from outside the plug. Which while I understood that to be a terrible idea, it was also the best idea I had.

Fortunately for my blood pressure, Rei just sat there, her eyes closed and her breathing even. The Eva had, so far, seemingly accepted her willingly enough. Just like when she piloted 01 to rescue me from the angel that almost did me in. Her vitals had fluctuated a couple of times, but she seemed fine. The nattering of the eggheads in the observation room fairly relaxed as the test went on.

Her brainwave pattern spiked, and she opened her eyes with a minor, but noticeable gasp. But other than that, gave no indication of distress.

Bottle Blonde clicked the comms unit. “What are your impressions of Unit 01, Rei? Any difference from when you last piloted it?”

Rei thought about it for a good while, her cheeks suddenly turned rosy on the screen, but when she spoke, it was with her usual deadpan. [It smells like Shinji.]

I grit my teeth and did my level best to control my expression. Reminding myself that she had no idea how that sounded because she did not yet have a dirty mind.

“Well done, Rei.” Said The Major Pain In My Ass, adjusting his glasses in a way he probably thought looked cool. “We are bringing the Eva to Cognition Level Three.”

And that was more words than he’d directed to me since I knocked out one of his teeth.

I should have hit him harder.

Bottle Blonde’s assistant piped up. “Threshold for Cognition Level Three will be crossed in 1.9, 1.5, 1.2, 0.6, 0.2, Cognition Level Three threshold crossed!”

The Evangelion changed. Whereas a moment ago it had been one of the world’s most expensive statues. Now it was aware.

The eye-slits of its helmet glowed not with the reflected light of a Heads Up Display, but with aware, knowing malevolence.

It shifted its weight, trying to stand more comfortably, causing the restraints to groan as metal was pushed beyond the point of plastic deformation. Its head moved minutely, and I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that it was looking at me.

I could not tell if it was looking at me in reproach or in search of reassurance. But it ignored the whole of the control room to focus on my face.

I looked at its lanky, but nonetheless powerful frame. Even missing its left arm at the shoulder, Evangelion Unit 01 was a fearsome thing.

The guys at the Slutlife Engineering Mechanics Electricians and Nano-machinist division would already have it at full battle readiness, but that was an unfair comparison as we’d had literal wizards and white mages to help with repairs.

“Harmonics holding, Synchronization Rate at Sixty-Eight percent.” Bottle Blonde called out, then proceeded in a quieter voice. “Her synchronization rates are essentially the same as in Unit 00.”

Her assistant (what did these people have against nametags?) continued, frowning in concentration at the readouts on the screen. “Well, Unit 00 and Unit 01’s personality patterns are very similar.”

I scowled at that. “Is that what makes it possible for her to synchronize with the two of them?” I asked without breaking eye contact with Unit 01, making most of the control room remember I was present. You’d think they’d keep tabs on the six foot and change slab of beef with violent tendencies, but you’d be wrong. “Does that mean that all Evas have similar personalities, or are 00 and 01 an anomaly, with other Evas developing differently and would reject us as pilots?”

Bottle Blonde recovered first. “The latter, I’m afraid. According to the data we have of the testing of Unit 02 in Germany, it is highly likely that Unit 02 will reject any pilot other than the Second Children without completely rewriting its Central Code.”

I grunted, and continued my staring contest with the giant, alien-but-not robot. “That may actually mitigate issues after the Angels are all dealt with.”

“How so?” Miss Polite Assistant asked.

“Well, you only need to look at a history book to see what happens once humanity deals with a common enemy.” I said, grinning. “Nihil novi sub sole, si vis pacem para bellum. I give it five years tops before we see the Cold War 2.0, only the WMDs are going to be the Evas. Pilots will be the new hot commodities, veteran pilots will likely be targets of assassination, granting too strong an advantage to any one side. Whosoever can field more and better Evas will have a strategic advantage until a new status-quo forms.

“With an Eva being made to lie useless if the one or two pilots it accepts die…then development will move toward making the Evas accept anyone who climbs into the entry plug.” I brought my hand up and stroked my chin, because my beard wasn’t there. “But the gap in development may prove enough of a setback to keep a cold war from going hot. Grant just enough time so cooler, wiser heads prevail. So that a politician with dreams of grandeur doesn’t get to cry havoc, let slip the dogs of war and count the dead after.”

I broke my staring contest with Unit 01 to look at Miss Assistant in her wide, surprised eyes and shrugged. “Which is why the moment the last Angel dies I’m probably disappearing into the mountains. Screw dealing with all that noise. Frankly, I don’t care what flag waves on the nearest pole. I wanna sit on my money and be left the hell alone.”

“That won’t happen, it can’t!” Miss Assistant recovered enough to state with conviction.

I snorted and turned back to the Eva.

Its stare remained unbroken.

=][=

[What’s the status of Unit 00’s Personal Data?] Bottle Blonde’s voice muttered in my ear.

[Rewriting already complete.] Answered Miss Assistant whose name I didn’t know and at this point I was too afraid to ask. [Reverifying in progress.]

[Calm, nerve signal patterns matching previous data.] Answered four-eyes-who-threw-fuck-me-eyes-at-Misato-when-he-thought-no-one-was-looking.

I really need to come up with a better name for him. Or NERV could start using nametags like civilized people!

[Shinji,] Bottle Blonde said, her voice teasing, [you’re not nervous at all about your first time in Unit 00?]

I grunted noncommittally.

Miss Assistant cut in, her tone broking no nonsense. [Entry sequence initiated. Ionizing LCL…Commencing primary contact.]

I felt a crawling sensation start at the base of my spine and climb all the way to the top of my head.

[Well Shinji?] Bottle Blonde said, doing a fairly good job of imitating being calm. [What do you think of unit 00’s entry plug?]

It smelled like Rei.

“A bit weird, but nothing I can’t handle.” I said instead.

[Strange as in…uncomfortable?] Miss Assistant asked, worried.

I grunted, trying to put the feeling into words. “A bit. Like wearing the wrong jacket for hiking or putting on a boot on one foot and a tennis shoe on the other. Not bad, just, weird.”

[I see…] Miss Assistant said, the sounds of typing coming over the comms unit. [Data stream established. Reverifying…Pattern green.]

[Main power connection complete.] Said the voice of another of the eggheads whose name I didn’t know.

[All restraining gear, green.] Said an egghead with a voice that was perfect for a Noir audiobook. I made a note on my HUD to find out who Smooth-Voice was and see if I could hire him to read an audiobook whenever his stint for NERV ended.

Oh right, test, imminent danger, possible death or maiming. The floor is made of floor and today is…shit what day even was it? How much school had I missed?

Could I pay someone to take care of my homework?

Rei stood by the glass, looking at 00 with a minute, worried frown.

Dear old sperm donor was nowhere to be seen. God forbid he show any concern for his only flesh and blood relation’s highly likely demise at the hands of a notably temperamental weapon’s system.

The Eva’s slumbering mind was a growing weight on the back of my head.

But even if it slumbered…it wasn’t quiescent. It roiled and spun, an uneasy, restless sleep.

More was said, but I didn’t hear it, memories flooded from the back of my head to stab me behind the eyes.

I walked alone into an empty, featureless apartment.

I was hurt, breathing was agony. But I had been ordered to fight again, so I would.

I sat alone by the pool, the other girls having fun splashing around in transparent liquid that stank of chemicals.

I was at the school roof. The Third Children ordered me to eat his food. It was my first time tasting something. It was good.

I looked at the huge form of the Third Children in the hospital bed. I informed him of the vehicle waiting for him.

I hurt. I was on the floor. Something large and strong, but gentle, held me. It was warm.

I put on my uniform, getting ready to set out to class.

I stood in the operation room, the people around me tense. The Third Children ignored his orders to retreat, because if he retreated, I would be placed in danger. Why? Why would he risk himself for someone disposable?

I woke up, felt a mind not my own connected to me. Where was I? This was wrong. I couldn’t breathe. It hurt. I was being crushed. My skin itched.

I have to leave. I have to go. I can’t stay.

I can’t stay.

I slammed shut the door to my mind, for the first time hearing the alarms and the tense voices of everyone in the control room.

At some point, the Eva had broken out of its restraints. It was stumbling about, slamming into the walls of the testing chamber. Until it spotted something through the control room glass and froze. Fear, hatred, and rage surging up from its guts.

I searched for the spot where I was connected to it. And dove through, battling its rage with my own, sending my own conflicting signals to its body to keep it from moving, from attacking the source of its fear.

Its panic grew, fighting to throw my control off, to stop what choked it, to kill that awful hag!

I flexed my will and crushed the Eva’s mind beneath the weight of my cold rage, paralyzing it.

I screwed my eyes tightly shut, but nonetheless I could see Ritsuko/the hag’s face as she talked/choked me.

“Ritsuko!” I barked through grit teeth. “Get out!”

She paused for a moment. Not fucking leaving! [Shinji!? Have you retaken control?]

The sheer need to kill her made my marrow tremble. “I said get the fuck out! Leave the goddamn room!”

She finally did what she was fucking told and ran out of the operation’s room.

With her gone, the spiral of panic from the Eva lost one of the sources of its feedback loop.

I set about calming it. Easing off my crushing control a little at a time. Its own will was…weak was the wrong word. It was scattered, unfocused, pliant.

Slowly, the Eva got used to the chafing of its skin due to its own armor. It began to marvel at the strength of its limbs, at its sheer size.

I released more of my control. No longer crushing the Eva’s mind but holding it in a firm embrace. Keeping our union shallow, not truly forming a gestalt.

[C-Corruption Index stabilizing…nerve impulses calming. Synchronization rate holding steady at Eighty-Seven percent.] Said Bottle Blonde’s assistant.

The Eva’s mind…it was Rei, but it wasn’t Rei. It was a remnant of Rei, but also the original that the Rei I was familiar with had been copied from. She was more than my Rei, but at the same time, much reduced.

It was scared of the body it had become but reveled in its newfound power. It was scared of the union of our mind, but craved a deeper connection, instinctively yearning for the Oneness of the Gestalt. It missed its old, small body, but was happy to be so much bigger and stronger.

I sighed and, after a long while, relaxed, trusting the Eva not to rampage anymore.

I held its metaphorical hand through the discoveries of its ‘new’ form. The mind inside it calm enough to realize it was different for the first time, its previous activations having been done in a stupor with one instance of panicked wakefulness.

I was going to have to confront Bottle Blonde and get the story of why Unit 00 had a panic attack when it saw her. I had the feeling that it would make for a fascinating tale.

=][=

And pic of build.