Sorry for the late post. The week was long and the weekend hectic. Frankly it's almost like the weekends just no longer belong to me.

Excuses aside. Here is chapter 9.

I was tempted to push forward to another action bit. But I'm doing my best to pace this in a way that somebody binging it can enjoy it. And for that there needs to be somewhat slower paced chapters and whatnot. And I don't want this story to devolve into 'monster of the week'.

Anyways! Please gimme a comment letting me know what your thoughts are. And I hope you enjoy the chapter!

=][=

“The Eva had a literal panic attack, Ritsuko.” I said, glaring at the scientist who refused to meet my stare. “That doesn’t just ‘happen.’ What the hell is your history with unit 00?”

Ritsuko raised her coffee mug to her lips and took a sip. “I helped create it. That’s it. I do not know why it would react so strongly to me.”

I leaned over her desk until I was almost nose to nose with her. “Don’t lie to me. You know something, and I’m not leaving until you fess up.”

She worked her jaw as if she were biting something foul. “You are not clear to access that level of information.”

I felt my lip curl. “Are you seriously going to try to hide behind procedure?”

“I’m not hiding anything!” She snapped.

“Pull the other one,” I snarled, “it has bells!”

“The only thing it could be is impossible!” She shouted.

“Oh yeah? Try me!”

She opened her mouth to retort.

“Professor Akagi, is something the matter?” Asked a gravely voice that made the hairs on my neck stand on end.

“Director Ikari.” Was as far as Ritsuko got before I was on Gendo’s face.

“Look,” I snarled, barely restraining the urge to knock another of his teeth out, “I get it, end of the world shit. You’ve got stuff what needs to happen. Hard choices, the whole shebang. I get it. But what in the name of all that is holy are you doing that could possibly traumatize eighty-meter-tall war machines!?”

“It would seem that the pilot of Unit 01 is still feeling somewhat out of sorts from the test.” Gendo said, severely testing my self-control.

“Don’t you fucking speak of me like I’m not present you bastard!”

“Pilot, perhaps it would be best for you to retire, it is clear that the testing was quite tiring.” His eyes glinted, his lip curled slightly. “A bonus will be given to you for exemplary service.”

I inhaled, counted to four, exhaled, counted to four, inhaled, counted to four, and repeated the process again.

It helped me not shatter his jaw. Which I suspected is what he wanted. I could feel a tension in the air. Stale adrenaline and fear-sweat coming from the hallway.

He’d set up a trap.

He thought he had reduced need of me, otherwise he would not be this brazen. Either that doll-plug thing was ready, or he’d finally gotten around to getting another pilot.

I didn’t know which it was, and it didn’t matter. He was back to holding the upper hand.

For now.

“You will reap the summation of all your sins, Director Ikari.” I hissed into his face. “I will make personally sure of it.”

I walked out of the office before I did something I would enjoy, but ultimately regret. Giving Gendo the lesser of the two victories he’d set me up for.

Damn Xanatos Gambit obsessed bastard.

“Pilot.”

As much as I hated myself for it. I stopped just outside the door.

“Be here tomorrow at seven-thirty hours.” Gendo said. “Rei will be busy, you will be required to be on standby in case of an Angel attack.”

His piece said, the door closed.

I clicked my tongue in annoyance and walked away.

“Asshole.”

=][=

I could only watch the projected screen in veiled dismay as the red-armored Evangelion wearing its transportation tarp like a tattered cloak, split a big fish-like Angel open from stem to stern, before a whole-ass fleet with two aircraft carriers, six battleships, one heavy missile cruiser, one aircraft cruiser, a battleship/aircraft carrier hybrid, eight frigates, fifteen destroyers and a parrot in a pear tree unleashed nineteen and a half levels of hell on the wounded Angel, damaging its core enough to kill it after seven minutes of continuous bombardment, able to hit it thanks to the severe damage the Evangelion had dealt it slowing it down enough for the ships to keep up with it as it attempted to escape.

The video restarted, showing the Eva’s gymnast-like athleticism as it jumped from ship to ship, luring the Angel in to deal its decisive blow. Forcing me to once again watch the utter waste of Credits as the Capture that was mine by rights, sank to the bottom of the sea.

“True, the UN Pacific Fleet were the ones to finish it off.” Ritsuko said as I ran through the logistics of stealing a boat and getting to the site of the battle. “But she was able to cripple the Angel in thirty-six seconds, well before the battery ran out of power.

“Evasive maneuvers, decision making, piloting skill…no matter how you look at it, she is quite outstanding. Hard to believe the abilities of the Second Children surpass the rumors.”

It's fairly far out, I’d need at the very least one week’s rations, two to be safe. Wait I can summon food and potable water, I can ignore that issue. This simplifies logistics a lot.

Misato grunted. “The real question is; why was the Angel there? There is nothing but water for kilometers, the site of the battle didn’t even occur over one of the flooded cities.”

I would have to get someone to purchase scuba diving equipment. Due to my Defenses I was now quite pressure resistant, but I’d still need to breathe, it wouldn’t be until Immunity that I could get away with breathing water. And I was a long time from being able to upgrade my Defenses to an immunity.

Ritsuko shrugged and took a sip of her coffee. “It could have been after Unit 02. Evas are most vulnerable when they are being transported.”

I should be able to summon its soul from any piece of it. But to be safe I’d need to find a piece of its core. Now, how far would it have tumbled due to the tides?

“Where’s 02 now?” Misato asked.

“Cage No. 5, cold storage. Asuka is checked into a hotel.” Ritsuko said.

The Core wasn’t heavy. No wait, the Core wasn’t heavy to an Evangelion. I’d probably need a crane to move it. Which meant that in all likelihood it had sunk in a mostly straight line down to the bottom.

“Shinji, any thoughts?” Misato asked.

Okay, how do I steal me a boat? I could purchase one easily enough, but I was certain that NERV tracked my every purchase. In order to be certain I’d remain covert, I’d need to steal one.

“Shinji?” Ritsuko asked as the video played again, infuriatingly, it had neither its global coordinates nor any worthwhile landmarks. Not even ‘some city what used to be above water.’ So apart from all that, I’d have to get my hands on the coordinates for where the battle took place.

Maybe I could give whoever I stole a boat from an I.O.U.? That and bribe the archivist for the coordinates.

Wait, the archivist was a degenerate who stashed her porn doujins on the air vents. I could probably seduce the coordinates out of her. That would be far more secure.

“Shinji.” A soft feminine voice whispered, bringing me out of my train of thought.

“What’s up, Rei?” I asked, turning away from the screen to give her my full attention.

“Miss Akagi and Miss Katsuragi want to ask you something.” Rei said simply.

I turned to look at the Christmas Cakes. “‘Sup?”

They exchanged glances before Misato spoke. “We wanted to ask you what your thoughts were on the Pilot of Eva 02.”

I shrugged and turned back to the screen. “She’ll probably be useful enough in a fight. Not sure how far all that hopping about will get her, and she definitely bent the keels on a few of those ships, which is a damn shame cause warships are cool. Other than that, dunno, I’ll withhold judgement till I meet her.”

“She’s quite bright.” Ritsuko said. “Graduated University at fourteen.”

“Neat.” I said. “Is her degree a Master’s on Kaiju Slaying?”

Ritsuko snorted some coffee up her nose, then coughed until she cleared the vile brew out of her lungs. “Erm, n-no.”

“Then her level of education doesn’t matter.” I stated matter-of-factly. “Hell, I’d drop out of school right now if you lot hadn’t put it into my contract that I had to attend for some reason.”

“A proper education is very important.” Ritsuko snapped.

“Tell that to my ever-growing bank account.” I said with a shrug. “I could spend quite lavishly and not have to worry about income until I was an old man. Anyways, we done here? I have homework I haven’t finished.”

Misato sighed. “Yeah, just come to HQ tomorrow as soon as school lets out, okay? We’ll introduce you to the pilot as soon as we finish going over protocols and paperwork.”

“Cool.” I said and made my way to the elevator. Rei bowed at them, then hurried to catch up with me.

The elevator ride was long and endured in comfortable silence. We were, however, stopped at the door, and informed that a driver would take us to our places of residence.

“And why can’t we just take public transport like usual?” I asked.

The lady at the desk gave me a rock-solid customer service smile. “The dismantling of the body of the Fifth Angel has caused severe slow-downs on several public transport routes over the last several days. Today’s work will impact the route you take to get home, so it will be safer and more expedient to drive you there directly.”

I narrowed my eyes in suspicion at her passable, though admittedly likely, story. As I recalled, they were still scraping bits of Shamshel off the mountain nearby to where it self-destructed.

Fuck it, I wasn’t paying for gas, so might as well.

No wait, I was gainfully employed and paying taxes.

Damn government, taking my money!

Our driver was the same asshole, cultist, or patsy that brought me to NERV base whenever they called me in from the hospital to yell at me. He gave Rei and I a less solid Customer Service smile and motioned us to the car.

As I walked past him, I noticed short orange hairs on his suit. Guess his cat was shedding.

Cat Man’s driving was downright safe and boring. Driving around the potholes caused by Angel shrapnel. Smooth enough to fall asleep due to lack of excitement or entertainment.

I appreciate it Cat Man, 8 out of 10. You do your job well despite being a patsy.

As we arrived at my place, I looked at the time and saw it was nearly time for lunch.

I turned to the half-angel hybrid. “Hey, Rei, wanna come to my place for lunch?”

“Yes.” She answered immediately.

“Erm, my orders are to drive her home.” Said Cat Man awkwardly.

“It’s fine,” I said, waving him off. “I’ll walk her home.”

“But…”

“Brother, take a good hard look at me.” I said, meeting his eyes through the rear-view mirror. “Do you seriously think anyone would wanna go through me, to bother her?”

To his credit, he thought about it, then sighed. “No.”

“Yup. Not to mention, anything I can’t handle will likely be taken care of by the NERV protection detail that’s been shadowing us since we left the base.”

Cat Man twitched. “NERV protection detail?” he asked, sounding amazingly guileless.

I raised the most sarcastic eyebrow I could. “I’m a supremely important UN asset. Do you seriously expect me to buy the polite fiction that I have any privacy whatsoever?”

Cat Man sighed. “I’m not at liberty to say.”

For his peace of mind, I didn’t tell him I knew of the blue car, the gray van, the green car, the two sniper teams on the buildings overlooking the apartment building, the squad of heavily armed men that’s permanently stationed on the apartment building, and the…three drones that had been shadowing us the entire time.

Rei and I got off and went to the top floor of the apartment building, giving me a ‘penthouse’ to live in, all on NERV’s dime.

The penthouse was as large as the suburban home that Prime Me had grown up in. It was currently largely Spartan, bare walls lacking decoration, basic furniture that was comfortable and unadorned, one tv, one radio, one set of plates and cutlery, and assorted pots and pans. None of which I’d bought with my own money.

The only thing missing was a gaming PC, but the technology of this world had not developed in that direction. Not that I could blame them, it was less than twenty years since an apocalyptic event with another one currently ongoing.

I went to my fridge and got a 1° Celsius glass bottle Coca Cola, popped the tab open, and handed it to Rei. Said Coca Cola was an import, very expensive. And so far, filing it under living expenses had yet to fail.

Rei took a swig of it, then stared down at it, eventually swallowing the sugary acid.

“Don’t go to bed without brushing your teeth.” I said, as I opened one for myself. “This shit will rot your teeth if you drink too much of it, or don’t brush your teeth after drinking one.”

Rei blinked. “Then why do you drink it?”

“Cause it’s deeee-elicious.” I shot back.

Her face pursed into a half-hearted frown. That was the most emotion she had shown in weeks, so hey, progress!

“I don’t like it.” She said eventually.

I plopped a glass bottle Manzanita Sol and set it in front of her, took her coke, and drank it myself.

She took the offering wordlessly and drank a bit. This time her eyes lit up slightly, and she began taking adorable little sips, one after the other.

After that, I went to the fridge and brought out rice, assorted vegetables, and a good ol’ slab of beef. After setting the rice to cook in the rice maker, I chopped the vegetables into bits and the meat into rough approximation of cubes, cooked the vegetables on the left side of my wok, the meat on the right, and seasoned with pepper and soy sauce.

In a little over thirty minutes, I had two plates of perfectly adequate stir fry. With leftovers for lunch at school.

At least, that was the plan.

Rei deadass polished off three plates.

And had room for dessert.

And while she had a little bit more meat to her than when I first met her, she was still svelte.

Where the hell did it all go!?

We hung out for a while, Rei, having a whole couch to pick from, sat right next to me, her hip touching mine. I minded only so far as the fact that I could not act on the impulse to sit her on my lap and make out. I wasn’t about to put on a show for the assholes watching the hidden cameras.

Once I had enough footage to splice at will, then I’d have my fun with Rei. Until then, I buried my libido and watched K-dramas.

A surprisingly strong industry, I wondered as to the extract circumstances that led to it gaining a worldwide following in this reality.

Still, after a while, it was getting late enough that I decided to walk Rei home. Call me old fashioned, but I would not allow a young lady out at night unescorted unless circumstances demanded it.

Yes, she was a Tier 5. But that was due to her frankly bullshit ability to learn. She’d memorized the literally labyrinthine layout of NERV HQ, the place that lightly tapped into Daedalus’ Labyrinth, the conceptual multiversal maze.

She may have the potential to become a world ending Superbeing for whom human souls were as cells were to me. But physically she was only a sixteen-year-old girl, so it was my duty to escort her home.

Not to mention, she was my, as much as I hated the term, Waifu. Her safety and happiness were both my responsibility. She walked close enough to me that her shoulder occasionally brushed my arm, but I didn’t hold her hand.

Like hell I was going to put on a show for our security detail. Who knows what wretched voyeuristic thoughts lurked beneath their thin masks of civility.

In the distance, I could see the corpse of Ramiel, the formerly floating blue cube immobile and much reduced, its core supposedly destroyed.

But knowing Gendo, NERV, and SEELE, they were using it to fuck around, and when it came time to find out it was going to be my problem.

We did eventually get to a spot where public transit was not terribly affected, and that made me pause and smile.

I didn’t have much hope in the vast majority of the branches of humanity across the Multiverse. But there was something to admire about the human spirit.

What’s that? The apocalypse is happening and the corpse of a city destroying, species annihilating monster is blocking the road?

Okay great, I hear you but I gotta get to work or I won’t be able to leave on time to catch my after-work soap operas!

Peak humanity.

The apartment building Rei lived at was dilapidated, I’d even call it abandoned. But my anger did not spike until I saw her apartment.

Whereas mine was Spartan, hers was neglected. She had no furniture bar an uncomfortable-looking bed, a stool, a chest drawer on wheels, and a mini fridge. She had two cardboard boxes, one of which held used bandages.

The floor was stained, mostly with mud, but at least a few of the stains were dried blood.

It looked as neglected and abandoned as the building.

I’d seen more homey jail cells.

“This is where you live?” I asked, my voice the kind of calm that can only come about from the threadbare control of murderous rage.

“Yes.” Rei answered simply.

It was a good thing that Prime Me had always had anger issues, thanks to that, I had inherited a truly outstanding amount of experience at anger management. A boon to dealing with the Template of the Doom Slayer.

“Not anymore.” I said. “We’re packing up your things, you’re moving in with me.”

“I don’t think the Director will like that.” Rei stated, but tellingly, she walked to the restroom to get her toothbrush.

“Yeah, well I don’t care.” I shot back.

She had a heartbreakingly small number of things; we didn’t even fill up her box.

The very last thing she picked up was a pair of cracked, square-rimmed glasses.

I pushed down the reflexive surge of rage those glasses brought forth in me. I refused to influence her decision, those glasses were her memento, they held meaning to her, and no matter how much hatred I had inherited for the man, if he meant something to Rei, so be it.

She stared at the glasses for a long time, seemingly drinking in their every bend and crack. She then set them softly but firmly down on their cloth on top of the chest drawer and turned resolutely away from them.

I tried not to show the vindictive glee I felt at her decision.

I carried the box on one of my shoulders the entire way to my apartment. And I may be wrong, but I thought I detected a bit of prep in her step.

Which was good, she was my adorable semi-eldritch engine of nigh-unimaginable destruction. And she deserved to be happy.

Mainly because I said so.

I wasn’t quite looking forward to dealing with Asuka tomorrow, but at least it wouldn’t happen until after school. I was going to need the school day to fortify myself to deal with that girl.

People with her personality type and I just did not get along.

=][=

The sporty girl with long, burnt orange hair held in twin tails with a red interface headset gave the whole class a positively cherubic smile. Her dark blue eyes were seemingly open, but I could easily detect a dark cunning in them as they lingered on Rei and me.

“Hello, I’m Asuka Langley Soryu. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” She said in flawless Japanese. Her tone saying milk and honey routinely flowed out of her every pore.

As the sudden and powerful adoration of every other male in the room flowed over me, I only really had one thing to say about the comely young woman who so benevolently graced us with her presence.

“Well…shit.”

I needed to find someplace to spend my paycheck, the idiots trying to doom the world were paying me quite well, but I’d gotten to spend next to none of my money.

It's not like it’d be of any use once I moved on. 

Perhaps I could use Ritsuko for that? It had been most of a couple weeks since I’d Stamped her, but I hadn’t been called to enter NERV lately, giving me no chance to see my thrall or Rei.

As it turned out, my third Capture had to be an Angel before I got access to the rest of my Credits. That’s always a plus.

As I walked into the classroom, whispering sprang up.

I had also been kept away from school due to ‘unexplained medical issues’ so just about everyone and their mother must have figured out that I got hurt dealing with the last Angel.

I got left mostly alone as I took my seat. None of the teachers called me out for not paying attention.

Then again, when you have the Kaiju killing messiah in class, you’d probably cut him some goddamn slack if you knew what’s good for you.

Lunch came around and I followed Rei to the roof. There was a definite pep to her step as she reached the roof and turned to eagerly wait for me.

I chuckled as I handed her the generic Philly cheesesteak sandwich I got out of storage, but held onto her hand as she went to retrieve the sandwich. Incidentally pressing the Stamp to the back of her hand.

She turned inquisitive red eyes at me. And I realized I hadn’t thought to say anything, and three seconds was a surprisingly long time.

Fuck.

I tossed out the first thing I thought of. “You nervous about the test of your Eva later today?”

She tilted her head slightly. “No, I need only believe in Director Ikari’s work.”

I grunted and released her hand, vanishing the Stamp and watching as she appeared in my AR display, I wouldn’t get the Credits for her Capture until later.

Hopefully she’d count as my third Capture and give me access to the rest of my budget. I wanted to get another Waifu I could put to work making weapons and armor for me, I had plenty of blueprints, but no chance to get out of sight and do things myself.

“Wish I had your confidence.” I said as I sat down, Rei sitting next to me a few moments later.

“Can you not have faith your father’s work?” She asked dully before taking a bite of the sandwich. She had a little more meat to her, her arms no longer stick thin, nary a scar on her from her time spent as a partial mummy.

I snorted. “I refuse to honor that man with the title of ‘father,’ he’s the sperm donor that spawned me, nothing more.” I leaned back, keeping her in the corner of my vision in case she tried to slap me. “As to having faith in the man…No, no I cannot, I refuse to. After all he’s done, what he’s said to me…the fact that I’m willing to work with his organization is a privilege he does not deserve and is therefore purchasing at a premium.”

Rei’s eyes bored into the side of my head for long seconds before she turned away and stared at her sandwich like it held the secret to immortality and eternal youth. “The only thing in life I trust, is the Director.”

“You shouldn’t.” I said bitterly, bunching up the covering for my food and stuffing it angrily into my pocket. I all but threw myself angrily to my feet. “I bet that the moment he has no more use for you, he’ll toss you aside like so much trash, just like he did me.”

“You’re wrong.” She whispered, glaring angrily at the floor.

I sighed. “For your sake, I sincerely hope I am.” I said and walked away.

I used my HUD to move the Stamp to Rei’s lower back. Now if only nothing could happen for three days, that’d be great.

=][=

[Launching!]

I really should learn not to taunt Murphy.

A giant, floating, blue octahedron had decided to park its ass above NERV headquarters and began drilling down, punching past meters thick steel-reinforced concrete and tons of soil in a few minutes.

And as was becoming depressingly usual, it was apparently my problem.

I’m being paid a lot for this unenviable job, and I’m still not being paid enough for this shit.

About the only good thing that was brought about by the Angel arriving was that the test for Eva Unit 00 was cancelled, the cyclopean cyborg machine gave me the hibbie jibbies. Wasn’t it possessed by the spirit of the first Rei? Or was I remembering some other fucked up show?

Blegh, I blame Slutlife Entertainment, that shit rotted your brain.

I rode out the ascension. The spirit of Unit 01 eager to earn the spot of Adamantine Princess. The instant before the hatch at the top opened, I remembered that the floating cube’s main way of dealing with irritants was a very long ranged and powerful Particle Projection Cannon, or a Laser.

As such, the moment the ramp stopped, I did not wait to be given the all-clear to move, I had the Eva tear through the safeties and restraining bolts, utterly wrecking the very expensive piece of equipment and getting Misato to yell at me.

She shut up about my ‘recklessness’ when every building in a straight line between where I had been standing and the Angel got a thirty-meter diameter hole vaporized through them, the platform used to deploy the Eva reduced to so much slag. By some miracle, my rough handling had moved the umbilical cable keeping the Eva powered out of the literal line of fire.

I fell into the Eva, the cyborg roaring in pleasure as it and I became Us. We ran forward in a zig-zag pattern, moving in sudden, arrhythmic start-and-stop surges that had saved the inner in the trenches outside The Palace. Our chaotic movement served us well, Adam’s get overcorrecting and firing at where we would have been. Its song of annoyance making us smile in glee.

Unfortunately, the closer we got, the more accurate its shots became. Until we had to abandon evasion altogether, the greater forming a shield much stronger than Adamantine, the inner modulating it, forming the barrier into a wedge, providing an angled path of least resistance for the energy to wash past, the residual heat of the diverted attacks melting our outer shell and making it run like wax.

The sheer brightness of the attacks of Adam’s spawn blinded us, forcing us to move forward by memory, withstanding ever greater heat with every two steps forward we took. Ignoring the call from the rabble to retreat, our inner self’s automatic processes spoke with them until their voices became suddenly silenced.

Many steps later we gained a slight reprieve. Taking four unobstructed steps while the Other attacked lesser gnats that irritated it.

We roared in triumph as our barrier clashed against its own. We sunk our fingers into it, using our own to tear the barrier open.

This was a mistake.

With our barrier used to tear through its shield, it could not be used to defend us. The beam crashed into us, light so strong it nearly pushed us back vaporized the outer layers of our shell. We screamed as the liquid the inner was immersed in began to boil. With the conscious mind of the inner turning faint, we began to flag.

Incandescent fury made the inner’s weight in the bond become stronger by two orders of magnitude. Its rage growing until it surpassed the greater self’s. The barrier became as much of the inner as of the greater. With a roar, we pushed forward, ignoring the way our flesh ran like wax. We ranted, screaming invectives at that which angered us as the fingers of our left hand sunk into the hard outer flesh of the Other.

We barely twitched our head out of the way as its latest blast burnt away our arm at the shoulder.

The cable that granted us energy, which we had protected up until now, was severed.

But that was fine, it was not needed.

Before Adam’s spawn could recharge its main mode of attack, we formed our main hand into a spear, and drove it with our full weight behind it into the enemy’s body. We felt the tips of our fingers bend and break against its core. With a vicious smile, we wrapped our hand around it, then tore it out its body, it sang of fear and pain before its song petered out and fell silent, making us smile wider.

With the enemy vanquished, our rage soon fled, without our rage to sustain us, the bond weakened as our vision swam.

We separated, once again becoming it and I. And not a moment too soon as the timer ran to zero, the batteries ran out, and I was now stuck in a boiling metal coffin.

I laughed, choking on the overheated angel juice as ice seemed to crawl down my spine, and began the manual override for the emergency escape.

The fifth time I tried, I was forced to accept that the mechanical systems that would allow the exit had melted.

I brought up my HUD. I needed to buy a power to fix this. I’d Captured the Angel’s Soul when I killed it. That meant I had the rest of my Budget. I could get out of here.

And subsequently get quite fucked.

The hesitation cost me; my anger unable to sustain me without an enemy to kill, and succumbed to heat exhaustion.

=][=

“Launching!” Ibuki Maya stated as EVA Unit 01 ascended with a roar.

To think an Angel would come on the very day that the Miracle Child, as Shinji was called by the support staff at NERV, was supposed to finally get some backup.

The calibration of EVA Unit 00 was aborted. It was expected to take the better part of two days to get it fully combat ready, at the moment it wouldn’t be able to do much more than stand in place.

“Unit 01 arriving in five!” Makoto called out.

“I’m getting a high energy reading within the target!” Shigeru shouted.

“How high!?” Lieutenant Katsuragi asked tensely.

An alarm sounded as the sound of steel shearing like paper reverberated through their speakers.

“The Pilot has destroyed deployment cradle!” Maya called out.

“Shinji what are you doing!? Such reckless disreg—!” Lieutenant Katsuragi cut off as the video screen showed Unit 01 diving to the side an instant before a glowing molten trail was all that remained of the deployment cradle and every building between it and the Angel.

Maya watched in amazement as the Eva dodged every shot that sought to destroy it. Every attack by the Angel leaving a line of utter devastation that the Eva danced through perfectly.

Until it couldn’t.

“AT field holding!” Maya called out as the outer layers of the Eva’s armor was outright vaporized even through the AT Field. “Pilot’s synchronization holding at ninety-eight percent!” 

“Shinji! Shinji, fall back!” Lieutenant Katsuragi ordered.

Unit 01 resolutely took another few steps forward, before being hit again by the Angel’s weapon.

[I refuse!] Shinji panted. [Unless I take it down now, you’ll have to deploy Rei, and her Eva isn’t calibrated yet!]

“Unit 01’s armor integrity down to forty-five percent!” Shigeru called out.

“Shinji!” Lieutenant Katsuragi screamed into the mic. “That is not your decision to make! You turn the Eva around right now and get to safety!”

On the screen, Shinji’s face twisted into a feral snarl. [And risk you monsters sending Rei out in a barely working robot!?]

“That is her duty!” Lieutenant Katsuragi ground out. “Just like it’s yours to get back here!”

Unit 01 withstood yet another incandescent blast, and there was a screech of static on the radio.

“Unit 01’s receiving antenna has been destroyed!” Makoto called out. “He can broadcast but can no longer hear us!”

Lieutenant Katsuragi did not answer, but she did grind her teeth in frustration as the Eva withstood yet another impossible shot. “Call in artillery support! Get that thing’s attention!”

Tanks and missiles shot out at the Angel, not a one of them got more than one salvo off before being obliterated. But their sacrifice allowed the Eva to cover the remaining distance without trouble before it sank its claws into the Angel’s AT Field and tore it like tissue paper.

And then the Angel blasted the Eva point blank.

“Plug temperature exceeding safe parameters!” Maya said, her voice tense. “He’ll be boiling soon!”

The pilot’s vitals fluctuated before his brainwave pattern indicated unconsciousness. Maya felt ice crawl down her spine.

An instant later, a roar of pure animalistic rage rang out of the speakers, the pilo—Shinji’s vitals spiking as adrenaline flooded his system.

[You think I’ll let you win!?] Shinji shouted. [You think you’ll take my vengeance from me!?]

Maya gulped. Wondering if she should cut off the radio, but Shinji continued before she could make up her mind.

[I’ll get my vengeance on that bastard Gendo! I won’t let anyone get in the way!]

The Eva took another point blank blast but was barely phased.

[I’m going to get a girlfriend, with big titties!] Shinji shouted, bringing Maya up short. [Imma put that bitch through college! We’re going to be happy! Imma give her love and emotional support!]

As he raved about the happy life he would have with his future girlfriend, Shinji modulated the Eva’s AT Field to corrode the Angel’s. [And we’ll have a daughter!] Shinji screamed with the fevered air of a man speaking prophecy as the Angel removed one of the Eva’s arms. [She’s going to look just like Mom! And I’ll send the bastard pictures! One for every birthday he’ll be kept away from! Every holiday he won’t be allowed to be part of my children’s lives! Gendo will beg on his knees to be a grandfather, and when he does, I’ll look down and he’ll finally reap the summation of all his sins when I tell him; No!]

Shinji shouted the last as he tore the core out of the Angel. Holding the red gem aloft as the Angel fell silent and the Eva ran out of battery and deactivated.

There was an exceedingly awkward silence in the control room.

“Send out the retrieval team.” Lieutenant Katsuragi said quietly, her voice adding to the awkwardness of the moment rather than taking away from it.

Maya couldn’t help but sneak a glance at the Director, and was surprised to see his face twisted in pain and anger.

She turned back to her station, feeling like she had intruded into something personal.

She was starting to suspect that she should rethink her bet that the Director and Shinji would reconcile.

After all, everyone at NERV just got to hear Shinji’s very long and detailed plan on how he would simultaneously cut his father out of his life, and torment him with the knowledge that he would make the Director the boogeyman for the man’s own grandchildren.

Oh hey, it’s the hospital’s ceiling. Who’da thunk. 

I brought my currently all technically deceased retinue up on my HUD. Two Angels stared back at me.

I also had seventy-five Credits burning a hole in my proverbial pocket, so it was time to do some purchases and with my exit strategy secured and charging, take the first steps in hopefully unfucking things here.

My main issue was that I didn't have anyone I could trust and work with. To get all the Angels would be relatively easy, all I’d need to do to complete my mission was to fight and kill the Angels. When the world ends, bring along anyone I happened to like enough to bring along. Boom, mission accomplished.

But a small, shriveled up part of me wanted to be the Hero. I wanted to stop the conspiracy put in motion by sociopathic rich assholes to doom the entirety of their species to get flawed pseudo-immortality as unsapient goo.

But I couldn't do that, not alone. I'd never be allowed in a room with the ones in charge. I'd never be able to sneak away to try and find them. I was watched too closely. Monitored far too harshly. And if I used the Stamp overtly the perception filters might very well fail, NERV was already looking for mystical bullshit, a bit of slaving mind control might not get past them.

I needed a team, a group I could trust, enough to sneak into NERV and get names and locations. To build equipment for my eventual battle against two or three separate factions trying to end the world.

I didn’t have a team. And I didn’t have enough Credits to purchase one either. But there was one advantage to being from a Recruitment world. Our one claim to fame being that our minutely powerful psychics received visions of parallel worlds and used them as inspiration for their works. And I knew just who would be able to wade through the numerous issues and secure me the heads of the fuckers I needed dead.

I went into the Companions tab on my phone and looked for the agents of the Callidus Temple. Any of them could be trusted with the persecution of my war against the idiots in charge.

I made my purchase, forty-eight credits disappearing in an instant. I had her. Delivered to my Interdimensional apartment.

I was fairly certain that my actual apartment was heavily bugged, as was the school, and any place I’d frequented. I’d have to be careful about meeting up with my new assassin. It was paramount that she remained an unknown until I was ready to go loud.

I heard footsteps approaching long before the door opened. Rei walked in, her face betraying no emotion, but I could see a smidge of relief in her eyes.

My plan to crawl into her heart via her stomach was working well.

“Shinji, there’s a vehicle waiting for you.” She said, turned around and left.

I stared at the door for a few seconds and coughed a laugh.

“Glad to see you too.”

=][=

As it turns out, not being able to disappear into my extra-universal apartment made it difficult to meet my new, extremely dangerous waifu.

Thankfully, due to my having a HUD, my head had a literal ring tone.

I called the PC in my apartment and schooled my features, wouldn’t want the assholes watching me in the car to think something was up.

That I couldn’t find anyone watching didn’t mean they weren’t there. They merely were better at hiding than I was at spotting them.

The call was picked up in the third ring. The glowering black mask that showed up in my HUD sent shivers down my spine.

M'shen, legendary Assassin of the Callidus Temple, Heretic’s Bane, Fleetfoot.

Godslayer.

Her Tier was equal to the monstrous Kaiju that were destroying Tokyo-3 and the world. And while they commanded far greater power, there was no doubt in my mind that where they had so far failed, she would succeed.

[What is thy bidding, my Lord?] The woman in my HUD asked with a shallow nod. Her voice was deep for a woman’s and dripped down my auditory nerves like liquid sex.

The mere sound of her voice went past my thinking mind and straight to my crotch as I felt the overwhelming urge to breed with the owner of that wonderful voice.

I fought back that idiotic urge.

The good thing about having a HUD, was that I could broadcast my thoughts into the call. Cheapo telepathy for the win. +I’ll set the portal down so you may leave, though I cannot promise it shall remain in that location. Your mission will be to find and infiltrate the secret organization named SEELE, and kill their top executives. I’ll still need the organization to run relatively smoothly, but if you think you’ll need aid in making that happen. Now is the time to bring it up.+

She suppressed a scoff. [It should not be a problem.]

+Good. Try to keep casualties to a minimum, but you have the freedom to do what you must.+ I instructed, then set down a portal on the street. +Keep me informed of your progress as you best can.+

M'shen nodded and cut off communication.

When we finally stopped the car, I didn't thank the driver, he worked for NERV which automatically made him an asshole, a cultist, a patsy, or all three at once.

When I got out, I saw we weren't at my apartment, I had been brought to NERV HQ.

“Ffaaaaaan-fucking-tastic we’re back here again.” I said, scratching my head as I stepped inside and followed the secretary that asked me politely to walk after her, she took me all the way to Misato’s office. The woman of the hour and supposed person in charge of field operations.

“You disobeyed my orders.” She said without preamble.

Wow, don’t treat me so softly Misato, I’ll be spoiled.

I sighed. “Your orders would have led to a longer drawn-out fight with more collateral damage and two dead civilians.”

Her eyes narrowed to slits. “We had retrieval teams ready to extract them. You should have done as you were told. Shinji you got hurt because you didn't follow orders!”

I sighed again. “The big rifle is useless, the Angel’s AT Field laughs at it with the same contempt it would laugh at paper balls. The Angel began targeting them specifically. Had I retreated when you told me to, to continue with the same inefficient tactics, all we'd have to show for it would be more destroyed buildings and two dead civilians. I said as much during the fight, I didn't get anywhere until I engaged it in melee and cancelled its AT Field.” I glared right back at her. “You’re at the command center, yes, you have access to data analysis and other ways of support. But I was the boots on the ground and I perceived information that would have taken too long to relay back to you during combat. And I fully believe that, if I had followed orders, we'd be in a worse position than we ended up in, with greater collateral damage and a couple dead idiot civilians to boot.”

Misato glared at me for almost a whole minute before she clicked her tongue. “Go write up your report for the mission, get out of my sight.”

Well screw you too.

I stood up and left, reaching into my jacket pocket and summoning a sandwich. This one was salami, pepperoni, cheese and guacamole.

Actually, pretty alright, eight out of ten.

I went to my ‘office’ at NERV and typed up my report on the Kaiju fight as I best recalled it. As I did that, I thought about my situation.

I had twenty-seven Credits I could spend, and a further one-hundred and seventy-three I couldn’t until I got my third Capture.

The Contract didn’t specify that the third Capture had to be an Angel. But by the same token, I didn’t want to just Stamp any random person in particular. The moment I did, that person would be my responsibility. And frankly, so far the only person I’d run into that I liked enough for that was a half-alien clone that was the key to the apocalypse.

…

Now that I thought of it that way, Stamping Rei was probably a moral imperative.

Thinking of that, didn’t NERV have an aquarium full of Rei clones? Did that mean that they could start the end of the world even if I Stamped Rei?

I didn’t want to explode the aquarium, that would likely kill all of those clones. Those clones of Rei were probably the only members of this horrid organization that were entirely without sin.

But they didn’t exactly have anywhere to go. I could try adopting them, but I’d need to upgrade my apartment to at the very least a Mansion to fit them all. And that was a not insignificant expense.

I pulled up the Catalog on my HUD and looked for any missions that people from the wider Company had that I could accomplish for some quick Credits.

There weren’t many. The Company preferred to harvest Evangelion worlds. After the cyclical apocalypse, there was simply a lot of materiel and product that was free to simply grab and resell at almost pure profit.

Everything from perishables in super markets, to abandoned chickens in chicken coops, to skyscrapers. The Company harvested the world down to the bedrock. It was then reset and the tragedy played out again.

Missions like mine were a bit of an exception to that, but then again, if I fucked it up, my boss would still get their Angel Templates for the Blood War and the world would still be harvested.

Which was why the mission I found, dealing specifically with the Rei clones came as a surprise.

An eccentric client with very specific tastes wanted maids. He wanted them identical, and able to do all the things maids should. Cooking, cleaning, sucking a cock or licking a slit unobtrusively.

I had to stop and shake my head at that. Fucking Company, ‘Slutlife’ indeed.

I’d get to keep the end product, the Company just wanted a set of Templates they could clone cheaply from to sell at exorbitant prices.

Point being, the Credits for accomplishing the task would be just enough to reimburse me for buying the Home, buying the Mansion would make it a net loss. Though to make sure things worked out smoothly, I’d need to get the Teaching and Inculcation Talents.

The bonus objective of Capturing Rei and putting her through the same training would cover most of the cost of those two Talents.

So while taking the Mission would definitely result in a net loss for me, it was a sacrifice I was willing to make to both save the innocent clones’ lives, get a personal maid staff, and ruin Gendo’s day.

Being honest, if only with myself, the third point played a larger than thirty-three percent role on my accepting the mission.

I finished my report and started to head out of NERV. I was going to Stamp Rei at first opportunity. I needed access to the rest of my budget if I was going to have the space to put all the clones in.

I had to find the time to get away and work on some Meltabombs. It wouldn’t do to leave NERV with the ability to make more Rei clones after I rescued the current batch.

Except, to rescue the current batch, I’d first need to know where they were.

Goddammit.

I changed directions and headed towards a particular office. If I was going to pull off the rescue, I’d need someone on the inside. And this was someone I didn’t much care for.

But she was a bitch who may well doom the world in the name of a man who didn’t love her back, so fuck her with a rusty rake. I’d just sell her to the Company when all was said and done. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

I barged into Bottle Blonde’s office, making her jump in fright. With all the fucks I didn’t give, I loomed over her and glared down my nose at the bitch. “So, whose cock I gotta suck in order to change how this idiot private military is spending its money?”

Her eyebrow twitched as she stood up and began to walk around me. “Mister Ikari—”

I slammed my right hand on the wall next to her face and walked into her personal space, trapping her against the wall. She looked up at me defiantly, but I could see the pulse point in her neck speeding up.

“I believe I told you not to call me by that name.” I growled, summoning my Stamp to my left hand.

She stood her ground. “Very well Shinji. I do not enjoy being condescended to.”

“Then stop being a goddamn idiot.” I cut her off, looking for the best opportunity to deploy the Stamp.

She eyed the open space to her left, but deduced I wouldn’t let her leave in that direction. “What is it you want?”

I leaned down and got right on her face, close enough that anyone walking in would definitely mistake what was happening. “I told you already. I have a disagreement in how this idiot organization is spending its money. And while I operate under the assumption that the government is thoroughly misusing my hard-earned cash they steal. Normally that’s just the cost of doing business, but I’m forced to care when their fuckups are likely to get me killed.”

“That was not very helpful Mister Ik—” She cut off as my glare intensified. “Shinji.”

I curled my lip into a sneer. “Then I’ll make it crystal fucking clear in the hopes that you get a thought worth having in that smooth brain of yours. I just turned in my report of my last Angel fight. I wrote in excruciating detail the many flaws of the idiot rifle. But I know how that song and dance goes.” I stepped closer to her, stopping as I pressed my front gently against hers. “The hell does that kid know? He’s just a kid, we’re the men with decades of experience killing other people. He needs to sit down, shut up, and do what we tell him. Then the next monster will come along, I’ll go out with useless weapons again, and maybe this time get killed. Well, not this time. I’m fucking nipping this in the bud.

“I’ve now killed two of those things which I’m guessing is more than anyone else has ever managed. That makes me the expert.” I pressed closer, Ritsuko pressed her hand to my chest in an attempt to push me back. I took her hand and pressed the Stamp to its back. “I’m informing you of that report. You will shove it up the ass of whoever the fuck you need to and stop wasting money on worthless shit. I refuse to die to salve the pride of stubborn idiots. You have the report, do something about the flaws I pointed out.”

Her jaw worked, chewing on her words carefully before she spoke. “And you come to me, why?”

“Katsuragi is an idiot. She won’t see past my questioning her authority. You at least have enough brain cells to rub together to look past your pride and see that, as the one killing the damn monsters, I just might have a fucking point.”

Her glare intensified at my insult. But still she showed no fear.

Too bad she was rotten to the core, I might have enjoyed her chutzpah otherwise.

“If that’s all this was.” Ritsuko said through grit teeth. “Then why are you cornering me like this?”

I let my smirk widen, leaned forward and whispered into her ear. “That bit I just threw in for fun.” I saw goosebumps form on the back of her neck as my breath tickled her ear. I leaned back and figuratively released her from captivity. “Well, I look forward to more sensibly designed weapons. I’ll be happy to sit on the meeting and exposit why the current designs are stupid.”

As I left Ritsuko’s office, I brought her up on my HUD and changed the location of the Stamp to the top of her head.

In three days I’ll get back to bottle blonde and see about getting all the information I need to get to the Clone Storage.

Or whatever weird pretentious bullshit they call it.

It was very glad for the fact that my implants could interface seamlessly with my  Company phone. This allowed me to keep track of time and gave me an avenue for entertainment. Denying the idiots at NERV the opportunity to make me stew in my own adrenaline. Mainly by keeping an eye on the clock, playing games, and catching up on my reading via my HUD.

As it turns out, if you punch a guy in charge of a secret government organization with infinity funding, you're not given the time to make a dramatic speech about his moral failings.

Whoda thought.

I had been tackled, and while I could have fought back and broken every man and woman that stood between an exit and I, I didn't want to deal with that. I'd still need to kill and bag at least six more Angels, with everything beyond that being pure gravy. And the easiest way to do that would be to have an organization to maintain the giant abominable cyborgs that would facilitate the whole endeavor.

I just wanted to be done. I had to do this job to prove myself. Then likely another one or two so my Patron recouped their investment, and then I could start my multiversal adventure.

I’d probably have to spawn a kid or two along the way. I’d worked hard for my assets, and I couldn’t set one of my future waifus as the recipients, they’d count as my property and would be repossessed on the event of my death unless they went to an heir.

Just because I planned to live forever didn’t mean I wouldn’t plan for the possibility of my death.

Thinking of Waifus, I brought up my Retinue and saw the monster. Sachiel. My first waifu was a genderless inhuman city destroying biped, because fuck my life. Eh, I'd eventually be able to toss it and its brothers and sisters out like Pokémon. So, it all evened out in the end.

I just needed to figure out a way to resurrect it first.

I looked at the clock, going on four hours since I was put in this very comfortable looking room and was asked politely to wait, the door had then been locked.

I wondered if they were going to go for the hard or the soft sell?

Either way it didn't really matter. I’d give my demands, most of them would be met. I’d seen the awe in the faces of all those people. I had just done something that in their eyes was impossible.

Granted, that was thanks to years of experience with maintenance on warmachines that required a melding of minds to work, coupled with a seminar on piloting the various Mechs we might run across in the multiverse.

Still, they didn't know I wasn't some prophesied Chosen One. And I would use that to my advantage to get concessions.

I looked at the clock in my HUD, and with a sigh, pulled up a different book.

Really wished the Company released stuff other than Harem stuff. Yes, there was a surprising diversity in the type of Harem stories told in Company books, but dammit there was such a thing as oversaturation.

I was in the middle of reading about Joseph swearing his love to his third wife in the middle of a climactic fight (seriously I may not be much of a romantic, but even I understand that there is a better time and place) when the door to my waiting room/holding cell finally opened. The brunette and fake blonde from earlier walked in and sat on the couch opposite me.

I kept my mouth resolutely closed, I wasn’t here for games or power plays, but if I had to play them, I was going to play to win.

The silence grew longer, until the brunette sighed. “Shinji, you did very well piloting the Eva. We want you to become one of the Pilots for the Evangelion program.”

I shrugged. “I have conditions.”

Their eyes flashed with surprise and hope before they controlled themselves again. The fake blonde asked. “What would those be?”

I raised my right hand, index finger extended. “I will legally be recognized as emancipated. No longer will I be Ikari Gendo’s son.” I raised a second finger. “I will be allowed to change my name to whatever the hell I like.” I raised a third finger. “I will not be forced to attend school, that’d be a colossal waste of my time.” I raised a fourth. “I will be provided a living space on NERV’s dime for the duration of my employment. And when I specify NERV's dime, this includes living expenses.” I raised my thumb. “My salary will be, in a word, ‘exorbitant.’ Meet these five conditions and I’ll get in your giant deathtrap disguised as a robot and kill your monsters.”

“Shinji, the fate of the world-”

“I don't care,” I cut her off with a slash of my hand. “The world and everyone in it has given me no reason to care, starting with your boss. I was not joking when I said I only hoped to live long enough to see the monster squish Gendo like a grape. Don’t appeal to my nationalistic pride, it’s nonexistent. My love of humanity? It's been quite thoroughly snuffed. My decency? I don't give a shit. I fought that monster yesterday to pay back a debt, the wounded pilot saved my life, I returned the favor. I consider the matter squared. You want me to fight your battles and spout your bullshit? Put me on the fucking payroll.” I opened and closed my raised fist. “And you know my conditions for enlistment.”

The brunette looked pissed, but before she could say anything, the fake blonde said. “Very well, we’ll take your conditions to our superiors.”

“Ritsuko!” oh, so that was her name. “You can't just-!”

“Let's go, Misato.”

I tagged them on my HUD and typed in their names. That would save me from future awkwardness.

Now back to waiting.

I picked back up at Joseph swearing his love to his third wife.

=][=

Ultimately, it took three days. Three days waiting, of reading contracts backwards and forwards.

The first contract they gave me had been the standard one, which held none of the clauses I’d mentioned. They had the NERVe (hehe, geddit?) to tell me that those would be taken care of after I signed.

I informed them that my salary just went up. And would continue going up by the day so long as they wasted my time.

They had ultimately caved. The only things they had remained adamant on were that I keep my current name and attend school. Because that’s apparently important when the world is ending.

They were probably hoping that I’d make emotional connections with people ‘my age,’ giving them some more leverage to use so they could point me at Angels while paying me less.

Joke’s on them, business comes before pleasure.

Still, I was officially emancipated, even if normally that wouldn’t be allowed. But Ikari Gendo had no legal hold on me.

This all played through my head as I headed for school. I had ended up in the same apartment building as Misato, purely a coincidence, I was sure. It was easy enough to spot the agents they had tailing me. They did a fairly good job, the fact being I would not have managed to see them were it not for the grueling training I’d put myself through in Basic.

As I waited for my stop on the metro, I set my HUD to inform me when a group of girls wearing the school uniform of my new school got up to leave, then pulled up the Catalog on my HUD.

Capturing Sachiel had given me sixty Credits to work with thanks to my negotiations with the Company.

After all, I'm a clone with nothing really to live for. Might as well take a risk.

I looked through the options available to me and thought through what I wanted. I did not have enough for the Defenses that would make a difference, not yet, and the fact was that there were plenty of dangers I faced well beyond the Angels.

This world had a lot going against it. The Angels trying to wipe out the current form of humanity. Two opposing incredibly heavily armed forces working together until they succeed in suppressing the apocalypse they didn’t want and not a second more. The world leaders trying for the ultimate ‘fuck you, I've got mine.’ Eager to destroy civilization and salt the Earth so long as they got their own flawed immortality.

Another asshole seeking to sabotage their plan and include all of humanity in the plan to render everyone into soup, in the vague hope that it will reunite him with his functionally dead wife.

And I was stuck at the front lines and watched so thoroughly, that I would not be able to fart without it being in the report of at least twelve agents.

My mission was to capture or kill the Kaiju/Angels. Maybe I'd get to keep an Eva if I finagled things correctly. Though I’m honestly not entirely sure I want one. Way too much goddamn maintenance.

Yes, just about any big robot required a lot of goddamn maintenance. But on most others, if I kept everything on tip top shape, I didn't run the danger of dissolving into the damn mech.

I shook my head. I had a windfall of Credits since I’d captured Sachiel’s Template right as he…she…It died. This was good, Credits were the Company’s currency. With enough of them I could literally gain the powers of a God.

But that was the problem. I was a fuckup who was saved from having a shitty Agent-adjacent job at the Company, purely because I (or, more likely, one of the mes across the Company) had done something that impressed someone wealthy enough to buy out my Contract. And nice enough to give me a shot at the full Agent experience.

Or…well…considering I only got twenty Credits at the start, nice might be the wrong word. But at least I had a shot. The very shot that stupid bitch Stacy took from me.

I shook my head again. Okay, what was the best use for these sixty points? I needed Defenses to be able to pilot the Evangelion without fear. I had a Talent that had made it so I learned a lot about the Eva’s instinctive use of the AT Field in the short time we fought Sachiel. A Talent to better learn to fight would be welcome, or the two Talents that would make me very good at non-esoteric science and technology, as well as Magitech once combined with Soul Talent. Which would combine very well with my Archeotech Mechanicus-Pattern implants and general Imperium and general Mech Tech knowledge (and all the blueprints I’d been able to copy and squirrel away over the one and a half decades working for the Company’s engineering division).

But no. All of those were relatively expensive, and while they would make for incredible investments, that investment would be worth very little to me if I fucking died before I had a chance to collect.

No. I needed to use these Credits to secure my exit strategy. Both out of this gods-forsaken universe and of any FUBAR situation in particular. The value of being able to say ‘yeah no’ to any situation had been drilled into everyone in Basic. I was Out of Context Bullshit, I should take advantage of that.

First things first, secure the exit strategy.

I bought an extra dimensional apartment. There was a sale on at the moment which bundled that with what was essentially a muggle repelling charm, so only those who I brought with me could see and consciously interact with the portal to enter the apartment. I bought Stress Defense to protect my mind from the degenerative effects of piloting the Eva, as well as Information Defense to help obfuscate my true abilities from the numerous agencies keeping tabs on me.

And last but not least, I bought a way to leave this universe, only downside being it would be a blind jump to the next.

It would take time to charge up the power necessary to create that portal, so best get that started now.

This left me with a whole fifteen Credits. Enough to buy a lot of regular people, several people who are professionally knowledgeable in their field, three people who were the equivalent of an Olympic champion in what they did, be that fighting, engineering, or yes, athleticism. Or one Olympic champion and one barely superhuman person.

And thanks to the apartment, I would even have a place to put them!

I could also get some of those Defenses that didn’t apply too well to my current circumstances, I could try that Body Defense power. But chances were, the only ones interested in poisoning me would be an end of the world cult, and the best funded of those needed me alive, so that wasn't something I needed to worry overmuch about.

I ultimately decided to save those Credits, it was always best to keep an ace up my sleeve. And once I got more Credits, I could get another Template. One that would let me act covertly to try and make a start at unfucking the thoroughly fucked situation this world had landed itself in.

Which I could have done now, but at the danger of my new ability being noticed and causing all the vermin to scatter.

My HUD pinged me, informing me that the students I’d tagged were on the move. With a sigh, I stood up and continued my trek to school.

I should have taken a pay cut to not have to attend school. It's not like the money will be any good once I leave for the next universe anyway.

=][=

School was boring.

The teachers droned on, and they at least seemed to have been told about me, because none of them had called me out on my very obvious zoning out, the only one zoning out harder than me was Rei, and she wasn't even pretending to pay attention. All the teenagers in the class kept throwing glances at me, their gossip senses tingling and licking their figurative chops like a pack of starving wolves.

I'd been introduced simply, and last I checked, the Angels were the worst kept secret on the planet, but they remained a supposed secret nonetheless. So, while everyone likely knew that Kaiju were attacking, that a giant robot had fought it off, and that the tall muscular youth who was transferred out of nowhere was likely the Pilot. I was not at liberty to discuss specifics.

Sacred hell, the history teacher somehow managed to make ‘aliens invaded fifteen years ago and started the End Of The World As We Know It’ sound droll and uninteresting. Come on, this is history! We evolved to find this fascinating!

Where’s the danger? The politicking and infighting? The old hatreds set begrudgingly aside?

Where's the drama?

The answer to my unasked question was a monotonous. “In a mere six months, half the human population was lost forever.”

See? That should be a statement of utmost awe-inspiring horror. It should be the visceral capstone to a long, riveting tale of fear, betrayal, bravery and heroic last stands!

Ugh. And I couldn’t fully zone out, because I might get called on to give an answer.

The day sucked until lunchtime. Upon which it sucked even harder, as I was forced to withstand the most stringent of tortures.

Social Activity.

“Hey, Ikari, got a minute?” Asked one of the braver female students in class the moment the bell rang. Rei was putting her things away, slowly, because she only had one mostly uninjured arm.

I blinked and looked at the girl who had spoken to me, my sitting height was almost equal to her standing height. “Yes?”

She was a pretty girl, with dyed blonde hair and pouty lips. I had no idea who she was. She gave me her best attempt at a disarming smile. “So, how come you transferred here when everyone who can is trying to evacuate?”

I shrugged. “Didn't have much of a choice honestly.”

She and her friend, a girl with a button nose and bright brown eyes, with hair as black as a crow’s feathers leaned in. The blonde whispered conspiratorially. “So, the rumor’s true, isn't it?”

I furrowed my brow. “Depends on the rumor.”

The black-haired girl leaned in and whispered so loudly that everyone in the room would have heard it. “Don’t play dumb. The rumor that you're the pilot of the big robot!”

Blonde leaned in. “It’s true, isn't it!?”

The two stared into my eyes like they held the secret to immortality and eternal youth. And considering I had a HUD and Catalog access; they weren’t entirely incorrect.

“I am afraid I can neither confirm nor deny that rumor.” I said in a deadpan.

This, of course, with everyone having been listening-in being teenagers, they cut to the heart of the matter and read between the lines to reach the conclusion they wanted.

It just so happens that this conclusion was coincidentally the truth.

“Ohmigosh you guys I told you he was it!”

“Hey! How’d you get chosen to pilot that thing?”

“Weren’t you scared!?”

“Does it have an ultimate move!?”

I should think up an ultimate move for when I’m fighting the next Kaiju.

I did my best to remain calm, to keep in mind that this was not the trenches outside the Palace. They were crowding me because they’d lived their whole lives in relative peace. They'd never had a Beastman or a Traitor bear down on them with a chainsword. Never felt the men and women next to them die while they fought for their lives.

To them, bloodshed was a fascinating story. They’d never seen the light leave a man’s eyes before he charged them, bayonet leading. Never crushed a woman’s throat until her larynx gave out with a crunching crackle.

I forced the memories and emotions down, fed them into the furnace of my anger, used it to fortify the cold rage that forever lurked beneath the surface.

“Sorry but, I really am not at liberty to confirm or deny anything.” I repeated over and over with an apologetic smile.

“W-Wait! Please, at least tell us this.” Said a girl with light brown hair, her face twisted into a fearful grimace. “What was that monster? Is it some country’s secret weapon?”

She reminded me of Annabelle, the one squaddie I’d gotten along with. She’d died on day one thanks to standing too close to Stacy.

Annabelle had been the one to laugh at my nihilistic jokes. The only one to appreciate my brand of humor.

Maybe that's why I answered honestly.

I sighed, a lot of my strength seeming to leave me with the exhalation. My shoulders drooping as my hands tightened into fists.

“I don't know what they are.” I lied. “They haven't told me much of anything. All I know is that this was the third one, and that more will come.” I gave her a grim smile. “Don't worry too much about it. I may not be good for much, but I’m at least good at fighting. Whenever the alarms happen, just go to a shelter, it might be scary, but at the end of the day, you'll get to go back home. I’ll make sure of it.”

There was a moment of awed silence. The girl who looked like Annabelle stared, her eyes wide and her face flushed.

I winked. “Don't tell anyone I said that, I’m not at liberty to confirm or deny anything.”

This, of course, caused everything to devolve into more questions. For some reason, being jostled left and right didn’t irritate me so much anymore.

A skinny kid slapped a hand on my desk and glared at me, he was just tall enough to be able to look down his nose at me while I sat. “Hey, new kid. Follow me outside.”

“Toji!” Said the bossy girl that had not been trying too hard to get people back to their desk. “You missed a whole week of school without permission!”

“Shaddap!” He spat, then turned his glare back on me. “You, step outside, now!”

I looked at him and tried to remember who he was. He clearly had an issue with me specifically. Still, my answer was obvious. “Nah, I’m good.”

His eye twitched. “What!?”

“Look, Shoji.”

“The name’s Suzuhara Toji!”

“I don't care. Point is, I have no obligation to you, or your wounded pride. I can see by your demeanor that you are angry. You are welcome to seek me out at some point when you won't be a bother on my exceedingly busy schedule. For now, if you'll excuse me, I’m going to go get lunch.” I stood up and headed for the door.

Toji tried to step in front of me, but I outmassed him considerably before one took into account my Company Bought enhancements. Still, points to the guy for being ballsy. Rare is the boy who will antagonize someone a head taller than him and built like a strongman.

My walking into him was enough to nearly send him sprawling.

I looked around, ignoring Toji and his demands that I follow him, and looked for Rei. That girl needed some thanks, hot chocolate, and a hug. And would you look at that, I had all three available in spades.

=][=

Seeing as to I hadn't received my first paycheck yet, I used my Contract Granted food summoning power. Rather than a whole pail of dehydrated tasty food that needed only to be boiled in water for twenty to thirty minutes, I used the second option for generic though still tasty to go food.

I didn’t particularly like this one. The fare was guaranteed to be edible and nutritious. But they were random.

I do not know what apocalyptic hellhole the cricket and cheese sandwich came from, and I don't want to find out.

A few tries netted me a cold cuts sandwich, and a meatball sub.

Tossing the artichoke and imitation anchovies pizza, I looked for the half angel half clone.

I found her on the roof, staring out across the city.

I walked up next to her. “Yo, Ayanami Rei, correct?”

She turned placid ruby eyes on me. “You are Ikari Shinji.”

“Yup. Wanted to thank you.”

She blinked and tilted her head slightly; I took that as an invitation to continue.

“The one that drove off the Angel and allowed me to escape getting nuked. That was you, right? Piloting while wounded?”

“Yes.” She said without inflection.

“Well, you saved my life, thank you.”

She shook her head. “I was following orders.”

“Well, your following orders resulted in you saving my life. So, you have the thanks anyways.” I looked around. “Say, you eat lunch yet?”

She shook her head and pulled out a few pills. “Not yet.”

I looked at the pills in mounting horror. “The hell are those?”

“Vitamins and other supplements.”

“And you don’t eat anything else?”

“No, why would I?”

My horror was matched only by my disgust.

“Yeah no, put those away.” I demanded. “Come on over.”

She must have been inherently used to following orders, as she followed me without complaint. I took a seat in the shade and patted the ground next to me.

“Sit next to me.” I said when she didn't understand the cue.

She did, still looking at me like I was some weird specimen.

“Alright, I've got a cold cuts sandwich and a meatball sub. Which one do you want?” I asked.

Rei blinked and said. “I have never had either.”

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter.

I tore a chunk of the cold cuts sandwich and held it towards her. “Say ah.”

“Ah?” She asked, and I used the opportunity presented to put the bit of sandwich in her mouth.

It is a rare treat to watch someone else discover something for the first time. Her expression did not change much, but it truly didn't need to. She closed her mouth and reflexively chewed into the somewhat bland fair. Her eyebrows rose slightly, she sat straighter, her eyes sparkled as she continued chewing slowly. By the motion of her jaw and cheeks, I could only assume she was rolling the morsel across her tongue. This continued for a while before she finally swallowed.

I tore another chunk and held it out, this time she opened her mouth without prompting.

I fed her the entire sandwich. Then opened my own and took a bite. Her silent, soulful, curious stare was too much, and I fed her a bite of my food for every bite I took.

I could only wonder where she packed it all.

My feeding her lunch would become a habit over the next couple of weeks.

=][=

It worried me that I had gotten used to the smell and taste of ‘L.C.L.’ or as I liked to call it, ‘Angel Juice.’

It was salty and coppery, and warm.

It was blood. It smelled and tasted like blood. Perhaps blood diluted in water.

But as the human brain is wont to, I got used to it very quickly and stopped noticing it because it was a constant.

The plug suit felt like jeans and a tee that were a few sizes too small to be comfortable. It actually was rather ingenious in that it was baggy and several sizes too big, then vacuumed and resized. It left very little to the imagination. The mini-me I’d had before body tune-up had nothing to be ashamed of, but I’d added a couple inches anyway because eight inches was impressive yet not so large as to cause too many issues with the vast majority of women.

Combine that with the fact that I was built like a linebacker, and both Ritsuko and Misato had stared a little longer than was strictly appropriate.

I felt my link to Unit 01 in the back of my mind. She was eager to experience the same closeness. But I decided to keep that for dangerous situations. Doing that had taken a toll, one I wasn’t eager to keep paying.

I kept our bond surface level, pressing a need for patience toward the nascent consciousness of the Eva. And worked at mastering maneuvering while doing my best to keep the bond shallow. I’d have to see if I could make the Imperium Standard safeties work with the Evangelion’s systems, as the creature-mech was…not unresponsive, but delayed oh so slowly. A fraction of a second that, in a fight to the death, could be the difference between life and death.

But by the same token, when I had sunk into the bond, I had run the very real danger of dissolving into the Angel Juice around me. And I did not want that at all.

I sighed and got ready to play this world’s most expensive video game.

Chapter 2, where we see Not! Shinji meet his nemesis.
And kill it with a giant robot.

You know what they say. Be yourself. Unless you can be a giant robot. If that's the case, be a giant robot.

Please leave a comment.

=][=

The personality matrix merged into my conscious and subconscious mind with a feeling that can best be described as ‘fucking finally.’ Which, okay, that’s one way not to have to worry about the implication of absorbing a possibly sapient mind.

I went over the recent memories I’d just absorbed as I looked around. I was sixteen years old and alone in a city, a bit rundown, it was something of a ghost town. Nothing in sight but parked cars.

The note from Gendo Ikari (and boy was that a big surge of anger there, looking over the memories of my personality matrix, it was even entirely justified) had included two things and two things only, a map with precise coordinates, and the words ‘come here.’

Oh hey, the instructions were written in Japanese, I could understand Japanese, score, I was gonna read all the manga and stuff.

There was another thing in the info package, a picture of a sluttily dressed attractive woman in her late twenties or early thirties, giving the camera a wink and leaning forward to show off her cleavage. She would come pick me up.

I scowled as something nagged at my brain. Wasn’t I supposed to be like, twelve? I wish I would have gotten a chance to refresh myself on this universe before being dumped here. There had to be a reason why I was in a ghost town. Not to mention that the papers in my hand and the situation I was in causing me some severe dejavu.

The feeling of overpressure on my skin had me on the floor, curled up into the smallest ball I could manage, my hands over my ears, my mouth open and my eyes closed before my brain had registered the boom!

Peeking around, I saw several dozen huge bulky VTOLs shooting at something obscured by a hill, something that looked like a glowing beam shot out and exploded one of the aircraft and out from behind the hill strode one derpy looking Kaiju.

And seeing as to I didn't have a handy Baneblade or an Imperial Knight Suit laying around, I did the smart thing. I shot to my feet and started running perpendicular to the monster. The sound of something huge crashing, more explosions and what sounded like the world’s deepest bass singing behind me made me think I’d done the right thing.

Okay, I have a giant fucking monster behind me, my assets: armor that heals itself and me by being bathed in the blood of my enemies, a significant arsenal of weapons that is conceptually effective against demons, three infantry-scale lasweapons with assorted batteries, a belt of heavy bolter ammo, the BFG 9000, a chainsword and last but not least; Gumption mixed with ‘fuck it, why not?’

Things against me, the BFG may or may not bypass the AT field. I only had two shots, and even cyberdemons required more than two shots to take down. Lasweapons may or may not bypass the AT field, but I needed anti-vehicle or superheavy grade weapons and I was stuck at the PFI level. And the chainsword, horrific as it was, would likely only cause it papercuts.

In short, I was fucked.

Note to self, steal a Warlord Titan.

I heard the whistle of incoming ordinance and threw myself to the floor, the explosions sent me skidding as two levels of hell were dropped on the creature behind me, probably to very little effect.

When the rolling explosions stopped, I was once again up on my feet and running. Until I was flung right back to the ground by an almighty crash, looking up, I witnessed the immense black and white form of the monster, its face was a mask reminiscent of a stylized depiction of a crow’s skull, its skin was leathery and it had bone carapace in the shape of ribs over its torso.

And it was looking right at me.

“You know,” I told it with a grin, “I'd say God shits in my dinner once again. But I know for a fact the fucker doesn’t care enough one way or the other.”

A monster with rigid angular lines where the angel was smooth and organic, came through the building next to the creature, slammed into it, and pushed it away.

I'd be tempted to call out divine intervention, but as I said. Fucker don't care.

A blue car sped past me, skidding to a stop and throwing the door open, the pretty woman from the picture grinned out at me with forced cheer and calm. “Hey! Sorry I-”

I almost punched her as I dove into the car and slammed the passenger door closed. “Drive! Drive! Fucking drive!”

Not needing any further encouragement, the lady from the photo, dressed far more professionally than in said photo, took off. I kept an eye on the Kaiju fight. It was beating the snot out of the robot sent to fight it. It threw the robot through a building where it didn’t get back up from.

In return, the bombardment it was being subjected to intensified. I saw rockets, HE and Anti-Tank rounds, and enormous airburst dropped munitions being tossed at it with the only effect being the occasional stumble as it walked through a destroyed building.

“Hey, so-” the woman began as I looked out the window of the car.

“Something’s happening.” I warned, a cold shiver traveling up my spine. “The aircraft are being pulled back.”

“What!?” The woman shouted, slammed the car to a stop and barreled past me, pressing her firm tits against my cheek as she hung partly out the window, fancy binoculars in hand.

I may prefer softer, squishier boobs, but I was okay with this nonetheless.

“No no no! They can’t be planning to use an N2 mine!” she shouted.

I didn’t know what an N2 mine was, but anything spoken of with that much awe and requiring the redeployment of aircraft was bound to be bad news. I bent down at the waist and cursed my shortsightedness at making myself as tall as in my last life. I was far too large to fit in the car’s footwell.

Her shout of “Get down!” was rather unnecessary, as I was already trying to squeeze into as small a volume as I could manage.

Then there was a light so bright that its reflection hurt my eyes through my closed eyelids and something punched me in my entire left side. A titanic roar assaulted my ears for a few instants before my hearing cut out.

Hopefully I wasn’t deafened again, I didn’t have healing magic handy to fix that.

“FUCK!” I screamed, oh hey, I could hear. My brain became accustomed enough to the overstimulation of all my senses for my sense of balance return, I rather wished it would have taken a little while longer to do that, that way I wouldn’t have to feel the car literally flipping over and over like a toy tossed by a child. The woman had wrapped herself around me, which was a nice gesture. Something of a moot one, as I was significantly larger than her, but it’s the thought that mattered.

The car eventually stopped; the woman had somehow not been thrown clear even though she hadn’t been using the seatbelt. That's a bad idea, one should always wear their seatbelt. I blinked a few times, pain starting to register and informing me that I was, in fact, alive.

“Whooo,” I said weakly, “not dead. Oi, lady, you still breathing?”

Thankfully the car had landed on its side instead of upside-down, I was able to push myself up as the woman groaned and stirred. “Y-Yeah. Ugh.”

We crawled out of the car and looked at the devastation. The explosion had thrown a large amount of the topsoil into the air. I looked at the far-away mushroom cloud and wondered if I could scrounge together enough points to get Body Defense so I could survive the radiation poisoning. “Was that a goddamn nuke?”

“N2 mine.” The woman said rubbing her lower back. “Stands for Non-Nuclear. Strength of a low-yield nuke, none of the long-term fallout.”

I grunted and gave the car a good shove with my shoulder, overbalancing it and dropping it onto its wheels, it was dented, scratched, beaten to all hell and judging by the sound it made as it landed, the transmission was not long for this world. But that was to be expected after that tumble. “Well, until I see some blueprints I’m not gonna trust it. We should go.”

The woman blinked and looked from my biceps to the car. “You’re…uhh…pretty strong, huh?”

“I work out.” I said tonelessly and got into the car. She spent a bit walking around and applying duct tape so the bumpers would stay on the car, however, when she tried to start it, the car would not turn on. She swore and turned the key again.

I sighed, looked through the bag my Personality Matrix had packed, and rummaged around until I found a multitool. “Give me a minute.”

I stepped out and went to the front of the car. She popped the hood after I stared at her long enough. Looking through it, it wasn’t unlike the engines I’d worked on during my years as a Company mechanic and engineer. A lot less rugged certainly, this engine was not made to shrug off gunfire or being punched by a cyberdemon.

It took me a few minutes to decipher its layout, but quickly enough saw that, during the tumble, the timing belt had slipped off. How that was the only thing wrong, I do not know. But I wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

It was a good thing I had the strength of the Doom Slayer, as I certainly didn’t have a ratchet or all the tools I’d need to fix that. But I was able to turn all the nuts and bolts manually to push the alternator down, remove the covers, slip the belt back on, put everything back into place and tighten everything back up.

Soon after that we were back on the road and thankfully moving away from the Kaiju.

“Whoo! Thanks for making sure my car still runs,” the woman (I really should ask her name sometime) said with forced cheer, “I still have twelve months on my loan, would have sucked pretty hard if it’d been totaled.”

“Honestly, you’d probably be better off if it had been totaled.” I said glibly, looking out at the deceptively serene hills. “You could have expensed it as lost in the pursuit of duty.”

“Really? I’ll have to see if that works. Maybe they’ll pay for taking this little guy to the mechanic!”

I grunted in response. We drove in silence for several minutes before she spoke again. “You can feel free to ask me questions.”

I grunted dismissively.

“I mean, between being invited here, the giant monster back there, you must have a lot of questions, huh?”

I grunted in affirmation.

“I’m the one doing all the talking here. Come on, ask me any questions you want!”

I took a deep breath. “Are you at liberty to answer any question I put forward honestly without my needing to sign NDAs or other such documents?”

There was a long moment of silence before she asked. “What do you mean?”

“Ma’am, with all respect. I have severe doubt that anything you say to me will be the honest truth. I’ve been able to deduce enough of Ikari Gendo’s work to know that any question I ask will be given the rote surface-level non-answer that government types and corporations are in love with.” I turned a pair of very jaded eyes at her, she controlled her reaction well, but she couldn’t stop her eyes widening and her hands tightening on the steering wheel. “I have no love or trust in you or whatever organization you represent. Frankly, at the moment I wouldn’t trust your answer on what color the sky is. If you told me that things fall to the ground when you let go of them, I’d privately check to see what part of your statement was falsehood. As far as I am concerned. My legal guardian has asked to see me, I will see what it is he wants. End of story.”

The woman made a sound low in her throat and turned back to the road. The silence this time was significantly more awkward.

She drove to a well concealed reinforced tunnel, parked at a lift, and moments later we were descending, moving down and…sideways?

“Did uhh,” I opened an eye and looked at the woman that worked for Gendo, what was her name? “Did your father send you an ID card?”

I rummaged around my bag and pulled it out. “Ikari Gendo summoned me here, I can only assume his assistant remembered to send an ID card.”

“R-Right. Umm…good, well, read this please.” She held out a thin book, it said ‘Top Secret, for your eyes only,’ and a bit below that. ‘Welcome to NERV.’

I grunted, took the booklet, and started reading through it. “Blah blah secret organization, blah blah Angels, that must be that weird Kaiju back there. Blah blah blah for the safety of mankind, blah blah. Can I get the cliff notes on why the hell that man had me brought here?”

“‘That man’ huh?” She said, her brown eyes drinking in my best attempt at keeping my face apathetic. “You have issues with your father?”

There was the reflexive surge of anger, I had a feeling this would become very familiar. “No,” I said in a sickly-sweet tone, “to have issues with a father, would necessitate having a father to have issues with. I don’t get along with my sperm donor who happens to be my legal guardian. Though he admittedly has done no legal guardianing in living memory.”

Perhaps I was coming across as too acerbic, too angry. But while my recollection was muddled, I definitely recalled that being meek and agreeable had not worked out well for Shinji.

A drop of anxious sweat rolled down her cheek as she digested what I’d said, studying my expression. It helped that a lot of the anger, the hurt, the betrayal¸ was genuine. One could not absorb nigh on sixteen years of memory, inhabit a new brain with an existing network of synaptic pathways, without inheriting the learned responses of the body. And anger at Ikari Gendo was a thing long learned and strongly studied in this body, Ikari Gendo got to live rent-free in this brain for going on twelve years, and I saw my chance to collect.

And boy oh boy was I planning to get my pound of flesh.

We exited the tunnel, the rail we traveled along suspended over an enormous underground biome. It looked to be a manmade forest with a large lake at the center, probably where the city got its drinking water. Looking around, I spotted the water treatment plant that kept the lake clean.

Impressive for a Type 0 Civilization. I’d have to see what material the dome was made out of, it was far too large and shallow to be made of regular old steel.

Maybe I could nab a sample.

Our silence held until the ride ended, we exited the car, got on a tram and were off in another direction. The place was built like a maze, the woman getting turned around almost immediately.

“So, wait…at the station take the western exit…turn right at North Gate 3, right…this leads to route eight, take route eight for three exits then take the west exit to…hrm…why is this so complicated?”

I lent half an ear to what she was saying, her words reminding me of one of the classes at Basic…what was it…’Quantum Mazes And You’?

Yes, that was it. How to survive labyrinths that tapped into conceptual crap. She was working through the route most statistically likely to lead one to the center of Daedalus’ labyrinth across the multiverse. Daedalus was a brilliant man, but most of him across the omniverse tended to think along the same lines.

So, there was some magic to this world…made sense, what with the Eldritch Kaiju with a vaguely Christian theme and all.

We entered elevator S36 for the third time. The awkward silence continued. I will admit, I rather enjoyed it, I am indeed that petty.

The elevator droned on, until it stopped, the doors opened and a short (to me) svelte woman with a beauty mark beneath her left eye and dyed blonde hair stepped in, giving the woman the mother of all stink eyes.

“O-Oh, hey Ritsuko,” the woman said with an awkward laugh, “what’s up?”

“You are twelve minutes late. For something this important only promptness suffices, Lieutenant Colonel Katsuragi.”

Oh, so that was her name. Now that I heard it, I vaguely recalled her first name. Motoko? Mikoto? Something along those lines.

The fake blonde, Ritsuko, turned to me. “Is this the young man you went to pick up?” 

“Eh? Ah, y-yeah. Ikari Shinji.”

“Just call me Shinji.” I groused, looking at the elevator wall between them.

Their eyebrows climbed up, perhaps sensing what was coming, Katsuragi winced while Ritsuko gave me an indulgent grin. “Why, that’s rather forward of you, don’t you think?”

I gave her my best gimlet stare, judging by the small instinctive step back she took, it was a good one. “Don’t flatter yourself,” I said tonelessly, returning my eye to the wall, “I merely hold no love for my last name.”

The two women exchanged glances. I had to be careful, I didn't want to come across merely as a moody teenager. I had to come across as angry, hurt, and socially maladjusted. I wanted them to wonder why I wasn’t a meek little lamb, why I responded with such cold and somewhat calculated hostility.

I could only hope I’d planted the necessary seeds.

We moved in blessed silence, or close to it, announcements over the intercom had the two women arguing and the brunette sending me worried glances. Leaving the elevator, we went on a boat ride on a lake of what looked like blood. Which honestly? Metal as fuck, I approve.

We climbed up a set of metal stairs that ran along a metal wall, a section of the wall colored purple and neon green instead of dull gray. That was probably the armor of the Evangelion, the entire wall was there to lock the thing in place.

Going by my experience working on Titans, that probably meant the wall was there to restrain the robot in case it decided it didn't want to let the little creatures crawl all over it today.

Granted, most Titans were drama queens and enjoyed the attention, the feelings of awe they inspired in others. But on the other side of the coin, talk to it in baby tones and give it a pat or three while you fix stuff and work your maintenance and you'll be safe for the most part, barring a little tinnitus whenever they honk their Warhorn at you in greeting.

Still no reason not to use those restraints, but the Titans I’d worked on had at least understood our relationship was symbiotic. I needed them to have a job and earn my bonus for my final, they needed me to get back to fighting shape.

One time I fell off the gantry and would have hung from my safety harness for a few hours, only for the unmanned Titan to activate and very gingerly nudge me back up into the gantry with its Plasma Annihilator. That had been…an experience.

Waifu’s Pride had gotten many pats to her Cogitator Core and organic oil for her sensitive bits. She was a good monster of near indiscriminate annihilation.

I'd have to put in a request to see how the old girl was doing, she was due back to one of the many fronts when I left for Boot.

I shook my head and got back to paying attention as the Evangelion was dramatically revealed in front of me. What had fake-blondie been saying? Something something greatest weapon, something something last hope?

Well, cool as this looked, this thing probably didn't have anything on Waifu’s Pride, she was my humongous adamantine princess and ain’t nothing would change that.

Oh right I should pay attention.

I turned to (shit, what was her name again?) Blondie. “Why are you showing me this? I can't believe a random civilian would have the security clearance for this.”

[Because I had you brought here.] Gendo's voice reverberated through the room over the speakers, the light on his office came on, overlooking the Eva and me like a disappointed demigod. [I brought you here so you may pilot the Evangelion, so you may save the city, and the world. Shinji, get in the Eva, there is no time to waste.]

I looked from him, to the robot, and back to him. Then, in an obnoxiously saccharine tone, I started talking. “Why hello Shinji, I've missed you so much over these last three years, I know I haven’t spoken to you in twelve, my how much you've grown, do you work out?” The two women next to me blinked and began to look more and more awkward by the word. “My I’m so proud of you! A healthy body and a healthy mind go hand in hand!”

[We do not have time f-]

“Fuck you with a rusty rake you son of a bitch!” The thunder of my roar making both of the women next to me jump back. “You literally abandoned me when I was four fucking years old! Nine fucking years later we run into each other and you looked at me as if I was shit stuck to your boot. The first words out of your whore mouth directed to me in years and they are ‘Shinji, jump in the giant robot and go fight a monster to the death because I said so’ what gives you the right!?”

I was breathing too quickly, the world spinning slightly, and my face felt cold. I forcefully lengthened and slowed my breathing.

[Are you done with this childish outburst?]

“Bitch I haven't even started!”

[Well too bad, I need you to get in the Eva, you have to stop the Angel.]

I blinked and turned to Blondie. She grimaced. “Please Shinji, it's the city’s only hope.”

I turned to the other woman, she at least looked a little guilty. Nonetheless she fell in line with the other two. “Get in the Eva Shinji.”

I turned back to the robot and started to laugh. There was a manic edge to it that wasn't entirely manufactured. “Oh, oh this is precious!” I doubled over, laughing harder.

[We do not have time for this!] Gendo said, for the first time sounding strained.

“Oh, oh you can't make shit like this up!” I shouted, the technicians in the area running the gauntlet from fascinated to horrified, this would be the heart of office gossip for months to come. “You want me to cuck you out of your robosexual life partner, then go kill a monster in your name, for your glory! After you, and I fucking quote! ‘Found it best to leave a useless thing like you behind, as I have more pressing matters to attend to.’” I let my lips stretch back into a manic grin. “Well let me tell you something fucko! ‘A child that is shunned by the village will burn it to the ground to feel its warmth!’”

The woman, Katsuragi, gasped, looks like she’s pretty quick on the uptake.

I gave Gendo the finger. “I goddamn refuse!” I spread my arms wide. “You covered everything in gasoline, the spark is coming, and now I'm the one holding the hose, and I refuse to turn it on! Let it come!”

“Shinji!” Katsuragi said through gritted teeth. “If you don’t do this, thousands of people will die!”

I turned my hatred on her, this time she only flinched, but held firm. I shrugged. “Let them. I literally don't have a win condition here. I just want him to lose. And I’m willing to make that happen. Hell, all I have to do is refuse to wreck humanity’s incredibly expensive looking last hope with my untrained bumbling. If it's so goddamn important, do it yourself.”

“I can’t!” she shouted, her composure finally breaking. “Only those born after the Second Impact can pilot the Evas! I would if I could, but you're the only one who can do this!”

I sarcastically raised an eyebrow. “Wow, tough. Too bad that dumbass Ikari was such a shit dad. Otherwise, you might have had a pilot.” I made to walk past her. “Well, the base looks cool I guess, I’mma look around before the monster comes and wrecks everything. Maybe I'll live long enough to watch it squish Gendo like a-”

I cut off as I caught her wrist inches away from making contact with my cheek. I looked at her, wholly unimpressed. “You only get one, on the next one I’m punching you into whatever soup this red shit is.”

We were distracted from our conversation as a medical bed was wheeled by, a blue haired girl with dull, ruby red eyes laying on it. She was, to put it simply, beaten to all hell, the skin of her face not swollen but what skin was visible had the ugly yellow splotches of healing bruises. Three of her limbs were in casts. She was beautiful, but there was an ethereal quality to it. Something not quite right, she did not cause me to feel the Uncanny Valley, but she was on the slopes of it.

The ground shook hard enough to send everyone to the ground, several of the technicians fell to the blood soup, and the medical bed tipped over and spilled the girl onto the floor.

I was up and running for her before my conscious mind caught up to me. “Oi, oi! Why the hell did you bring someone hurt here!?” I demanded and stabilized the girl, holding her still as best I could while she writhed and moaned in pain. “Ah shit, she popped her stitches, fuuuuck!”

I kept pressure on the wound as best I could and shouted in the direction of the drama queen. “Hey! What the fuck do you think you’re doing asshole!?”

[The backup did not work out. She will have to pilot the Eva in your place.] Damn him for being all cool and collected as the building literally shook itself apart around him. That actually was manly as fuck, even if I hated his guts. [It is lamentable, she strained herself to her limit to buy Lieutenant Colonel Katsuragi the time to rescue you, I do not know how long she will last fighting the Angel. But we are left with no other choice.]

And there is the excuse I needed. Still, it would not do to sound too eager. “She can’t even breathe without worsening her condition, dumbass!” I shouted back. “She needs a hospital, not to jump in your idiot fucking robot!”

[It is necessary.] Gendo stated. [Unless you take her place, Rei will go in the Eva, and she will have to fight the Angel.]

I showed my teeth in something that was certainly not a grin. “You dirty whore! Fine, fucking fine! I’ll get in your automaton of fun! Just get this girl to the infirmary! You piece of utter filth!”

[We will have words about your language later.]

Oh, I'm sure we will.

Getting into the Eva was quick, its entire head tilted forward to expose the spine, where the control pod was located. The technician’s technobabble washed over me while I tried to acclimatize myself to the controls.

The controls made no goddamn sense. The arm control assemblies were stiff and had very little rotational movement, my legs went into recesses without pedals or anything to control the speed of the machine’s locomotive systems. And the whole thing was made for someone a whole foot smaller than me and a hell of a lot more svelte.

In short, it was pretty shit.

And then the pod started filling with flat, orange, lukewarm soda.

“What the fuck!?” I had time to say before I took a deep breath and held it as my head was submerged in the warm liquid.

[Take the LCL into your lungs,] Blondie said over the radio. [It'll take care of oxygenating your blood.]

Well, it was a good thing that I’d gone over something like this in the various seminars, because otherwise this would be a whole lot more terrifying.

Granted, that had been about the benefits of Company Granted Defenses and the wonders of being able to breathe any liquid, allowing for insane versatility when planning to infiltrate a location, but still.

I closed my eyes and, firmly reminding myself that the liquid around me was not water and would consequently not kill me, I firmly pushed the air out of my lungs and inhaled deeply and forcefully. The liquid getting in was uncomfortable but I didn't choke and it didn't hurt, so the panic about being submerged didn’t have time to set in.

I did, however, have the right to criticize, half expecting to be unable to talk what with the liquid in my lungs I said. “A little warning about not having to worry about drowning would have been nice before I was submerged.”

I was, of course, ignored. But it's the principle of the thing.

There was more technobabble, nobody thought to include me or ask me my opinion. The ladies on the radio mentioned that the synchronization was starting, and I saw stars.

A swirling vortex of all colors and none, the artificial blood bathing my limbs getting between my skin and the armor plates, irritating my flesh. Trapped as I was in a half-waking dream where people were ants, where I did not have the ability to move my own limbs. A desire to run wild, to strike at all irritants. To find the Children of Adam, to rip and tear and crush and rend and deflagrate.

I felt something, both familiar and not…no, not familiar, something familial. I could feel warmth, safety, contentment and sleepiness. A vague, deeply buried memory of a time before I had ever experienced cold or light.

I blinked awake, my eyes burning in a way that had nothing to do with the liquid I’d been immersed in. I heard someone excitedly talking about a rate of seventy-nine percent.

I moved my hands, and removed by a fraction of a second, I felt the hands of the Eva attempt to move. The dull grey walls of the pod had become as windows. I could see beetle sized technicians scurrying about, the lake of blood having been drained while I'd been out of it.

[Launching!]

“Wait wha-?”

G-forces crushed me into the seat, the Eva was sent rocketing straight up. I felt the wind rushing past my face in the most bizarre reverse skydive.

Then it was over, the sudden halt rattling my brain inside my skull.

[Releasing final restraint!]

Whatsoever in shit the fuck!?

I felt something vibrate up my back and I felt myself both remain seated and stand and lean forward.

[Okay Shinji, I need you to concentrate on walking.]

How the hell am I gonna walk!? This thing doesn't even have pedals!

However, the moment I thought about walking forward, the Eva took a single shuddering step that cracked the pavement and caused a shockwave of displaced air.

I blinked. But. How had that happened? The center of gravity was all off, while the Eva was humanoid its proportions were all wrong, it was too lanky, its arms too long for its torso, its legs too skinny, and the armor plates chafed an-

I stumbled on the second step, my conscious mind unable to replicate the dozens of automatic adjustments done by my subconscious mind. I threw my arm to the side, letting go of the arm control, and a fraction of a second later, the arm of the Eva shot out and tore through the office building next to me as if it were made of paper mache. As it crumpled like cardboard it provided just enough support to allow me to fall to a knee instead of pratfall on my face.

Okay, less thinky more feely, the controls were a placebo. What mattered was feeling.

I could see the Angel walking toward me, seemingly reduced from its massive scale. As bad of an idea as it seemed, I closed my eyes and felt.

[Shinji? Shinji you need to get the Eva to stand up!]

Recalling my many, many maintenance sessions on Waifu’s Pride, I looked for the MIU, grasped for it. The Titans piggybacked a lot of their balance subroutines on their pilots, it was how the ungainly machines achieved such organic-seeming movement.

I felt for the machine’s psychic imprint, for the place in my mind where I and it became ‘us.’

[Synchronization rate rising! Eighty-six percent!]

It wasn't in the usual spot. But I found it easily enough. I reached through it, felt the familiar rage, the desire to rip and tear. I then metaphorically swatted it in the nose and told it to follow my lead.

Its rage surged, unfamiliar with chastisement. I gave it another good swat and let its wild rage break against the walls of my cold, controlled anger.

[Blow the bolts! Retrieve the pilot!]

We felt something trying to break our contest, we slapped it down.

[The system is unresponsive! Contamination rising!]

That action, along with the similarity in our emotion. These formed the Bridge.

It knew anger but had never been shown how to properly harness it. How to focus it. It knew only how to bash and flail; it had no concept of how to properly direct its rage for maximum effect.

‘Come, let me show you.’

It made a last halfhearted attempt to wrest control, but it was intrigued by the prospect of what I promised.

We opened our eyes to see that the Angel had picked us up. Holding our body up with one hand on our face, our left arm held in its other hand, a proboscis-like appendage on its palm starting to glow malevolently as it increased the pressure of its grip on our arm.

We slammed our right fist into its left elbow with such savagery that we nearly tore through the limb entire. With our head no longer constrained, we were free to turn and sink our teeth into its wrist, the salt of its blood was the sweetest nectar on our tongue, the shiver of its carpals crackling like twigs was as enchanting music. Its hand fell unconnected to the ground.

We lunged back, taking up the preferred fighting stance of half of our gestalt. Left foot forward, body angled away from the enemy, our chin tucked into our left shoulder, right hand up to cover our chin on the opposite side, most of our weight on our back foot.

The enemy righted itself, its screech of pain ending. Its eyes flashed but we were already moving, a terrible heat flashing past us, boiling our armor. Our larger self followed the memories of our inner self. In a fluid movement starting at our feet, we twisted our hips, turning our body into a straight punch with all of our mass behind it.

Our first slammed into a luminous hexagonal barrier, gossamer thin but inviolate as meters thick adamantium, the sound of the strike shattering windows for a hundred meters and more.

The small things prattled on. We felt our inner self absorbing information at an astounding pace. But it was unnecessary, the way past this was well known by our greater self. The inner self followed the instinct of the greater and made suggestions. Our own barrier covered our fingers and sunk into the barrier before us. With a flare of our Soul and a heave of our Body and Will, we tore the Enemy’s barrier asunder.

The fear sweat of the enemy was divinity itself on our tongue.

We roared, flinging ourselves forward and crashing into Adam’s get. The greater self wanted to push it away, the inner wanted to bring it closer and break it.

We compromised.

We lifted the enemy into the air and spiked it headfirst into the ground, it bounced twice before settling. We pressed our foot into its head, pushing it down, preventing it from rising.

We brought up our right hand, held straight and rigid like a dagger, and molded our Soul into a knife. Sensing that the inner self was coming too deeply into the greater, we separated some, causing the knife to flicker for an instant before it solidified. Now more of the Greater than of the inner.

Then, with another liquid twist that started at our feet, we slammed our stiffened hand down. Driving the point deeply into the red core that held the essence of Adam’s son.

It died with a whimper. Clawing at us with shattered limbs. Despondent that it was unable to free its mother from the clutches of the small ones, the children of Lilith.

We bared our teeth and twisted. It convulsed and fell still.

Our inner self did something our greater did not comprehend. The greater nonetheless basked in the sense of accomplishment from the inner. The Enemy’s body fell limp, a great cross rising into the air and marking its passing.

We threw our head back and roared. We screamed our victory to the heavens, daring the rest of Adam’s misbegotten spawn to test themselves against us. We would enjoy their blood too.

As our promise died down, we separated, the inner self releasing his grip on the greater with the gentleness of long practice and the echo of fondness for another.

This made the greater jealous. It would be the Adamantine Princess, in time.

I slammed back, my head pounding like a drum. I could feel that the only reason my entire front wasn’t covered in blood, was that it was being absorbed into the weird liquid.

“Well,” I said, trying to blink away the pain in our…my head. “That happened.”